Earlier this month, a woman named Ashley Cream emerged as the hero that Boca Raton, Florida needed *and* deserved in these trying times, imploring city officials to acknowledge the elders in their community, formally offering sugar daddies and mommies with the recognition they deserve, goddamnit.

On Thursday, March 2, Cream popped by the city’s Planning & Zoning meeting where she proposed her noble vision of making the Floridian locale a true retiree’s paradise, proposing the city denotes March 10 as “Sugar Daddy and Mommy Appreciation Day,” an annual observance recognizing the selflessness of rich old people trying to get laid.

“Sugar daddies both gay and straight – and yes, even sugar mommies – are responsible for college educations, cars, homes, rents, jets, Birkins, and the occasional body enhancement,” Cream, who was notably accompanied by an elderly companion, explained, taking care to note that her chest happened to be “all-natural,” thank you very much.

Beyond her allegedly silicon-free proclamation, Cream also detailed how glucose guardian-ing (or whatever the hell the gender-neutral term for “Sugar Daddy-ing” happens to be) is a particularly Floridian pastime,  detailing that the most  “concentrated populace of these aged benefactors” are in the cities of Miami, Palm Beach and, of course, Boca Raton.

“You guys may not be aware, but Florida has the largest per-capita population of sugar daddies in the U.S.,” she explained.

Though it seems Cream may have ultimately broached the issue with the wrong committee — “Thank you for your- That’s a City Council issue,” committee chair Arnold Sevell quipped following her rousing speech — March 10 will always be Sugar Daddy and Mommy Appreciation Day here at eBaum’s World.