10 Things Your Nurse Won't Tell You
shezagodds
Published
06/29/2011
Having spanned the spectrum of PN, RN, tech work, patient teaching, etc.
from the maternity ward to the psych ward to the ICU, I have some news
for the healthcare consumer population at large.
1. You will poop while having a baby....a lot. You and your various spectators will not know about it since I am good at my job. Stop worrying about it. You are bringing a tiny human into a fucked up world and you are worried about whether or not you will poop on the table? You will.
2. You will come home with us every night. We will wonder about you. We will pray for you. We will cry if we see your obituary in the paper.
3. We are not even remotely interested in how you look....stop worrying. We don't have beauty contests in the hospital.
4. If you stink when you come in, you won't for long. If we have to put our hands, our noses, our equipment which comes home with us on you, you will be clean. We will wash you or you can do it yourself, but we have no tolerance for smelly...unless it's an infected wound. Then we're fascinated.
5. We can help. Let us help. You're vomiting? Your marriage is in trouble? You are tired of taking care of your senile relative? You can't pay your electric bill? Yes. We can help. Please don't moan and grumble like an impotent schmuck and then refuse the med/service/time that we have procured for you. It's frustrating as shit.
6. We wish we had more time to listen to you. We have at least 4 other patients (on a good day...in the ICU. Six to ten other patients if you're on any other floor) and just to keep everyone alive, we need to leave your room sooner than we'd like. Please don't think we're rude for it.
7. Your wonderful doctor could have killed you today, but we caught that mistake. Your doctor spends literally 3 minutes looking at your chart, two minutes looking at you, and barks out some orders as he's headed out the door to go to the golf course. Your doctor has seen us every day for years but has no idea what our names are. If you want a med, a treatment, a test, a change in your diet or activity level, he's the one who needs to okay it. I can't send you for an MRI or up your morphine or let you have an extra 200 calories without a written order from your doctor. Don't come unglued on me and then smile and thank your wonderful doctor.
8.We want you to rest...That being said, if you can do it yourself, do it. I will get you on a bedpan or give you a bath or feed you, but if you are capable, you need to be doing it. It's for your own good.
9. A good death is a gift. We wrap it.
10. People are all broken. Some of us can be put together again. Some of us can rise from the ashes. Some of us just need people to grieve for us, for what we used to be or could have been. Some of us are hanging by a thread. And nurses care about every one of you, no matter what you have done.
Hug a nurse today...unless you stink.
1. You will poop while having a baby....a lot. You and your various spectators will not know about it since I am good at my job. Stop worrying about it. You are bringing a tiny human into a fucked up world and you are worried about whether or not you will poop on the table? You will.
2. You will come home with us every night. We will wonder about you. We will pray for you. We will cry if we see your obituary in the paper.
3. We are not even remotely interested in how you look....stop worrying. We don't have beauty contests in the hospital.
4. If you stink when you come in, you won't for long. If we have to put our hands, our noses, our equipment which comes home with us on you, you will be clean. We will wash you or you can do it yourself, but we have no tolerance for smelly...unless it's an infected wound. Then we're fascinated.
5. We can help. Let us help. You're vomiting? Your marriage is in trouble? You are tired of taking care of your senile relative? You can't pay your electric bill? Yes. We can help. Please don't moan and grumble like an impotent schmuck and then refuse the med/service/time that we have procured for you. It's frustrating as shit.
6. We wish we had more time to listen to you. We have at least 4 other patients (on a good day...in the ICU. Six to ten other patients if you're on any other floor) and just to keep everyone alive, we need to leave your room sooner than we'd like. Please don't think we're rude for it.
7. Your wonderful doctor could have killed you today, but we caught that mistake. Your doctor spends literally 3 minutes looking at your chart, two minutes looking at you, and barks out some orders as he's headed out the door to go to the golf course. Your doctor has seen us every day for years but has no idea what our names are. If you want a med, a treatment, a test, a change in your diet or activity level, he's the one who needs to okay it. I can't send you for an MRI or up your morphine or let you have an extra 200 calories without a written order from your doctor. Don't come unglued on me and then smile and thank your wonderful doctor.
8.We want you to rest...That being said, if you can do it yourself, do it. I will get you on a bedpan or give you a bath or feed you, but if you are capable, you need to be doing it. It's for your own good.
9. A good death is a gift. We wrap it.
10. People are all broken. Some of us can be put together again. Some of us can rise from the ashes. Some of us just need people to grieve for us, for what we used to be or could have been. Some of us are hanging by a thread. And nurses care about every one of you, no matter what you have done.
Hug a nurse today...unless you stink.
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