I got my fodder.

Some of you remember me. If you don't know me, but you're a regular here in the blog section, you probably know (and love) a blogger who remembers (and loves) me. The ZVUE takeover left a bad taste in my mouth, and I've forsaken this place for a long time. But my friends, even those who were disgusted by ZVUE and left like me, have by and large gotten over it and come back, and so I too have returned to stalk my territory again.

Anyway, back to my fodder. A friend of mine has his 5 year old in a karate school. I forget exactly what the kid is studying, as I'm quite disenchanted by American martial arts schools and don't pay much attention to them. Suffice to say my friend is a MCMAP black belt, and even though he's not instructor certified, he teaches his kid at home... which very much explains why his kid beats the daylights out of kids twice his age and several belts above him. 

So I'm with him and he goes to get his kid from this karate class, and I tag along. We arrive, and one of the senior instructors in the school (perhaps even the school master/sensei, but from the look of him I sincerely hope not) is eyeing me like I'm some kind of criminal. It might have been the trench coat (oh yeah guys, by the way, I picked up a custom, tailor-made leather trench coat while I was in Germany. It's very nice, and fits like a glove, but Americans have this thing about guys in trenchcoats. Oh well). 

He inquires as to who I am, and my buddy explains that I'm with him. He responds "Oh, ok, that's no problem. I just like to make sure I know who's coming in and out of my school, you know, to make sure the kids are safe."

The next line out of his mouth made my skin crawl: "Not that you have anything to worry about, sir. I mean, look at me... who's going to take a kid from me?"

I wanted to spar him on the spot. I wanted to tell him to get out on the floor, right then and there, and leave his little bitch pads out of it. I didn't, for several reasons. There were a bunch of kids around, and watching one of their senior instructors get creamed probably wouldn't have been very encouraging. Also, my buddy outranks me, and I didn't want to embarass him with my short temper.

For one thing, I can't stand people who brag. Most people who brag do it because they feel like they need to prove something, or bluff to make up for what they actually lack with attempted intimidation. For the most part, the people I've met that are truly good at something don't waste their breath trying to convince you they're good at it. They just do it, usually because they enjoy it, and if people think they're good, then people will say so on their own.

But what really gets me is that this guy probably studied here in America, and probably in schools just like the one we were standing in. There are two problems with that. First, America is so damn politically correct that martial arts schools are greatly watered down. People bitch when they, or especially their kids, get hurt in these classes... even though it's a god damn martial arts school. The kids are learning to FIGHT (yeah yeah... to "defend themselves"... whatever, kid yourself if you want to). But people in this country seem to think you can master hand to hand combat without getting hurt along the way. Sounds brilliant, doesn't it?

The other problem is that most (not all, I admit, but most) American martial arts schools are severely commercialized. They're businesses. They're not there because they give a shit about you or your kid and your respective abilities to protect yourselves. They're there to make money. You pay them, and then you stand in a class of 20-30 people or more, with one or two instructors up front (who are not the sensei, but some of his previous students, or even his students students), and they run you through a bunch of routines but don't have the time to help each individual student get it right, or determine your strengths/weaknesses and work on your trouble areas.

These two facts combine to create one greater, irrefutable fact: You're not learning shit. Someone who pays very close attention to the Ninja Turtles movies could learn to fight as well as you are. If you really want to learn a martial art, you need to find a master who will teach you directly. And when I say a master, I mean someone who has been studying AND PRACTICING (as in competing, in real competitions where they really hit each other) for more than half of their life, and not in America, but in foreign countries where they train like they mean it. There are exceptions to that, I know there are masters in America who accept students. You know you've found one when you find a guy who's fought in tournaments around the world (and hopefully done well), and who either accepts only ONE student at a time, or else very small groups, no more than 5, tops. That's an instructor, and you better believe he will teach you a thing or two.

But there's something else you need, besides a good teacher, and whether you like it or not, this too is irrefutable: No matter how much you're taught and how much you practice at home or in sparring, have no doubt in your mind that you know NOTHING until you have FOUGHT. Experience is necessary, and there's no avoiding it. There are competitions where they truly fight, and this is the preferable place to get experience, since obviously I'm not going to encourage you to go out there and start picking real fights. But the bottom line is, you need to be in REAL FIGHTS. No amount of sparring will teach you the lessons you will learn from facing an opponent who is determined to inflict pain upon you, and not just for points, but for their own satisfaction. 

Arguably the most valuable of these lessons, and the one you're not going to learn sparring at half speed and half power while wearing pads, is how to take a hit and keep fighting. Of course, you want to do everything you can to dodge or block your opponents strikes, but realistically, you're not going to avoid them all. You're going to get hit, and in my opinion, nothing in the world will help you win fights more than being able to take your opponents best shot, shake it off and go right back at him. 

I've said enough, I think you all get the point. You should know where I'm coming from by now. So this guy, who was clearly full of himself just because he had a black piece of cloth around his waist, yet who had probably studied his whole life here in America in a school just like that one and who I doubt has ever been in a real fight against an opponent whose intent was not to win a few rounds, but to injure him as much as possible... this guy made me want to beat an infant with a sack full of puppies. I hate that shit.