As the title implies, I have a total asshole for a stepdad, and I'm going to bitch about it. My mom just married him a few weeks ago, and already he's pissing me off. Shit, I don't even know where to start... Well, they actually had a thing going on about 4, maybe 5 years ago. This guy, we'll call him "Jimmy", was my brothers teacher at a school for delinquents. He was the sort of uber-strict douchebag teachers that makes even the most goody two shoe student want to throw a cocktail bomb at his head. So, naturally, with a sociopathic brat like my brother, they were always at each others throats. Then my mother got the brilliant idea to go out with him!

          So, she made me and my brother go with her to visit Jimmy's place, a lovely trailer befitting the white trash that he is. I still don't know how all four of us were able to fit in that piece of crap... And he was constantly preaching to us about how fucking orgasmically amazing Texas is! It couldn't have been all that fan-fucking-tastic if he left it for New Mexico... But he kept on telling us stupid shit, like they use pitchers for shotglasses and everyone lives in a palace and whatnot. His reasons? "Everything is bigger and better in Texas!" Predictably, he said it in the most fucking annoying Texan drawl in the universe. He smokes a lot, too, so his voice is one of those irritating whistley types that sounds like his lungs are permanently clogged with plegm and tar.

        He would also preach to me about how I'm going to hell for being a heathen, I'm a complete fucking idiot for being a vegetarian, gays and communists are trying to take over the world, etc. Well, according to the fundamental Christian religion, I'm going to hell anyway because I'm an illigetimate child. It's not even my fault and I'm already doomed to spend eternity in a tortous pit of fire. But didn't Jesus already die for my sins...? And anyways, the bible says that God is the final judge, not "Thy douchebag stepdad shall be the final judge." So when I pointed out these obvious fallacies, he would tell me some stupid parable and then act like the conversation was over. Mind you, I was 12 at the time, and obviously drowning in rebellious hormones, the last thing I needed was a fuckwad like this to get all up in my grill.

            And here's the really great part! He's a fucking super-conservative racist dick! Don't get me wrong, usually I don't buy into that whole "liberal/conservative" hype, but this guy is like a mix between Hank Hill, Rush Lumbaugh, and Uncle Ruckus. He fucking hates black people. When Obama was elected, instead of losing gracefully, he said "It will take eight years to fix the mess that nigger is going to make!" Then my mom got all hurt and looked at him reproachfully, and he said, "Sorry. I meant Junglebunny." Fucking shithead. And his attitude towards issues like homosexuality and communism come right the fuck from a fifties propoganda film. Seriously, he's completely oblivous to the actual facts, he just hates them because he wants to.

         My entire family already hates him. Normally, I would figure he gets enough shit from them so I would cut him a tiny bit of slack, but Jesus Christ, there's a limit. And he doesn't even respect my mom that much! They get in a fight every night! It's because the geniuses got engaged a few months ago. After going out for two months. After never seeing each other for at least four years. After a relationship that already failed. I, being 17 years young and too poor/cheap to get a lawyer and divorce my parents, am totally fucked.

  Yeah, I'm done ranting, leave comments and bla bla bla. :(