My daughter and I hiked Calico Basin in Red Rock Canyon today.  It's a few miles long.  Has some light climbing.  You have to use your hands, but it's not more than 40 degrees incline anywhere.  It took us a few hours, but we sat down to watch the chipmunks and drink water a lot.  Chipmunks like malt vinegar potato chips. 

It was a nice day outside.  My wife wanted to take the kids tonight.  I'll take them tomorrow.  She'll take them Friday.  I'll take them Saturday.  Surprise, surprise, her friends go out dancing on Saturday. 

"Duhhhh... yeah sure, I'll take them Saturday..."

So I'm watching the kids Saturday.  I'm king swinging dick, sex machine.  My just now hale and hearty enough for sexual activity.  I haven't been properly laid in forever (from my point of view).  But I just don't have the gumption to get laid this weekend.  My wife and I are separated.  Legally, I'm not at risk for getting laid.  It's not a custody issue.  I just think I'm  too fucked up to do it.  I could hook something up, pretty much for sure.  I just don't think I'm going to.  Can you imagine the embarrassment of starting to cry half way through banging somebody?

My daughter didn't want to stay with my wife tonight.  I tried to time it so my wife was already gone when my daughter and I returned.  I blew it.  I didn't want to flee when I saw the car in the driveway.  So I pulled in.  Now I have to talk to her.  I can't let kids see animosity.

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"In the interest of disclosure, I talked to your mother today."

"Yeah, she told me."

"Did you guys talk about anything?  Did you get any useful advice from her?"

"We talked about the logistics of it.  About the house and the kids."  (that's not what her mother told me).

"I've already explained that I'm done kissing your ass..."

"I never wanted you too!"

(Me hesitating due to a dozen unused quipping slams shooting through my head) "... but in the interest of our children, I'm telling you that your behavior is not rational.  Either I'm not getting the whole story, or there's something wrong with your ability to reason.  I'm asking you to get checked out medically.  Get your thyroid checked.  (My wife's thyroid is mostly dead from lupus and it's surprising how much the hormones from it can cause an impact on you).  Talk to a ruematologist."

I wait for a response.

"You're putting your feelings, or lack of them, in front of your children's well being.  You haven't made an effort to save your family."

"I've made an effort."

(Me, calmly)  "No, you haven't.  Any effort you put in was before I was aware of the gravity of the situation.  Since then, you've done shit.  Your behavior is irrational.  Your effort was shit.  You showed up for a few counsellor sessions and one of those you were 45 minutes late to.  I think that's irrational."

"I don't agree."

"Well... I think most people WOULD agree with me."

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My wife is dead to me.  I still have to hold out hope that the alien influence on her will abate or she'll come clean with me.

I don't want to be married to her anymore.  I don't want to interact with her anymore.  I would, even now, try to start over with her again if she started to give a shit, for the sake of sparing my kids torment.  But it's not going to happen.

She said, if she gets a loan adjustment, we might not have to lose the house.  If I get a loan adjustment and alimony, I might not have to lose the house.

It's fucking on.  I'm almost certainly going to get custody of my daughter.  I might be able to get my son.  There's a very high probability I'll get alimony.  If I get custody of my kids, I'll even get child support (a little).

It's on.  There's nothing amicable left to do.