Canadianism
MrsNekoJeans
Published
11/26/2010
Year 1534. Jacques Cartier and his crew reached what is now called the St. Lawrence River. His men were exhausted, but happy. They found new land. Their discovery changed the world but it also changed them. They became... something else.
It was tuesday when Mark The Smithy started acting strange. He was talking about how this land is much better then anything that Christopher Columbus have ever discovered. He idn't make any and soon all other members became extremely annoyed with his rant. Dumb ass smithy from France talking about social issues in newly discovered lands angered the rest of the crew, while they were focusing on finding some food.
Evening. A small moose ran by the camp. Richard of Loara, an excellent hunter, followed it to find a much larger, magnificent creature. "Pizza can feed a whole family for a week. This could feed the whole crew for a week!" he mumbled to himself. He was about to make the shot when Mark came out of the bushes and started giving him hunting tips. The smithy! Giving tips about hunting to a professional hunter! Worse than that, he made so much noise, the moose ran away.
Wednesday morning. The crew complimented Richard on the hunt. It was weeks since they last eaten meat. There was no sign of Mark but nobody cared that much about the new town fool.
Thursday. More of the crew members started to act weird. Armand started to nag about everything - the weather, that the meat could use some spices, that the crew's uniforms should have brighter colors. Jerome started juggling bottles, walked on his hands, made sure everybody hears what he's saying and if he wasn't in the middle of attention for more than 5 minutes, he began to sing something loudly.
Friday. It was obvious that Jacques' crew catched some kind of a disease. The captain soon found out that it wasn't moose meat they've eaten. It was smithy's. Somebody found the corpse with parts of meat missing. Jacques decided that they hang Richard for what he'd done. Surprisingly, all the sick crew members took Richard's side and even said that his meat is much better than any American food. Two camps were formed.
Few weeks passed. More and more people contracted the disease. Most of the crew reached the final stadium of the sickness - absolute lack of sense of humor, attention whoring, talking nonsense about politics and giving stupid tips to everyone. They soon started to suck so hard, that they found maple syrup in one of the trees. Soon they found out what beavers are about. They made their own games. Stupid games like curling or putting ants into their butts. Soon they bred (or breaded; who gives a shit about grammar?) and there were more of them. An entire country.
There is no cure for canadianism (the official medical term for that disease). It is passed on from generation to generation, it can be catched from a Canadian (the official term for a person with canadianism) but only if you live in Canadia for a longer period of time. The place was soon sealed from the rest of the world. But there is still chance for finding an antidote. There are people that we refer to as 'Daywalkers'. They are Canadians unaffected by the disease. They can laugh, don't care about politics, have friends. The best examples are White_Chocolate, Dawnthief and Tom Green. There are probably others but I don't know that many Canadians.
What to do if you meet a person suffering from canadianism?
Laugh at them.
Why?
Why not?
It was tuesday when Mark The Smithy started acting strange. He was talking about how this land is much better then anything that Christopher Columbus have ever discovered. He idn't make any and soon all other members became extremely annoyed with his rant. Dumb ass smithy from France talking about social issues in newly discovered lands angered the rest of the crew, while they were focusing on finding some food.
Evening. A small moose ran by the camp. Richard of Loara, an excellent hunter, followed it to find a much larger, magnificent creature. "Pizza can feed a whole family for a week. This could feed the whole crew for a week!" he mumbled to himself. He was about to make the shot when Mark came out of the bushes and started giving him hunting tips. The smithy! Giving tips about hunting to a professional hunter! Worse than that, he made so much noise, the moose ran away.
Wednesday morning. The crew complimented Richard on the hunt. It was weeks since they last eaten meat. There was no sign of Mark but nobody cared that much about the new town fool.
Thursday. More of the crew members started to act weird. Armand started to nag about everything - the weather, that the meat could use some spices, that the crew's uniforms should have brighter colors. Jerome started juggling bottles, walked on his hands, made sure everybody hears what he's saying and if he wasn't in the middle of attention for more than 5 minutes, he began to sing something loudly.
Friday. It was obvious that Jacques' crew catched some kind of a disease. The captain soon found out that it wasn't moose meat they've eaten. It was smithy's. Somebody found the corpse with parts of meat missing. Jacques decided that they hang Richard for what he'd done. Surprisingly, all the sick crew members took Richard's side and even said that his meat is much better than any American food. Two camps were formed.
Few weeks passed. More and more people contracted the disease. Most of the crew reached the final stadium of the sickness - absolute lack of sense of humor, attention whoring, talking nonsense about politics and giving stupid tips to everyone. They soon started to suck so hard, that they found maple syrup in one of the trees. Soon they found out what beavers are about. They made their own games. Stupid games like curling or putting ants into their butts. Soon they bred (or breaded; who gives a shit about grammar?) and there were more of them. An entire country.
There is no cure for canadianism (the official medical term for that disease). It is passed on from generation to generation, it can be catched from a Canadian (the official term for a person with canadianism) but only if you live in Canadia for a longer period of time. The place was soon sealed from the rest of the world. But there is still chance for finding an antidote. There are people that we refer to as 'Daywalkers'. They are Canadians unaffected by the disease. They can laugh, don't care about politics, have friends. The best examples are White_Chocolate, Dawnthief and Tom Green. There are probably others but I don't know that many Canadians.
What to do if you meet a person suffering from canadianism?
Laugh at them.
Why?
Why not?
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