One of my great joys in life is going to the car wash. Some people may think of it as a hassle, just another chore in their already over-chored lives, but not me. The car wash for me is a wonderful place. It’s where you go to get a new lease on life, or at least a new lease on your scooter. I’m not talking about actual leases – I have no idea how to get a new lease on a scooter. I won mine in a fight. I’m talking about that feeling when you bring in your scooter all caked in mud and whatever other junk might be stuck on there and you ride off with a shiny new-looking scooterino. That’s satisfaction. You might not have a scooter. You might have a car: the more “traditional” vehicle to take to a car wash. I’m a proud scooter owner and as a proud scooter owner, I like to keep my scooter clean. After all, dirt really shows up on red plastic, you know? So once every month or so in the summer, I take a trip to the place on Moosic and get my wheels all soaped up. It’s hard to describe the feeling I get at the car wash without sounding dirty (not that that’s ever stopped me before), but I’ll try. It feels a little bit like I’m in the hospital getting a sponge bath from some real foxy nurses. Replace hospital with car wash and real foxy nurses with real burly joes and that’s pretty much what the experience is like. I love to see them get down and dirty with my little scooter. Wipe it down and rinse it off and put so much care into the job. When it comes out of there all gleaming and clean, I feel like I need a smoke. Look, I’m not a real extravagant guy. I pick fights with extravagant guys. But the car wash is the one place where I can throw down eight bucks once a month and feel like a king. A fella’s got to feel pampered once in a while, you know?