So yesterday my friend Charlie and I went to the gym to play some "pick-up" basketball.  We have a standing agreement that if one of us is a captain, we pick each other first.  That way we don't have to sit out a game.  So we are shooting around and there is new guy in the gym shooting three's like a machine.  I can see Charlie's eyes light up.  Of course, Charlie is a captain because he is the tallest guy in the gym.  His turn to pick comes...he picks the new guy.  I curse him under my breath. The other captain picked me up next.  I was relieved because I didn't want to sit. 

   So the game starts and my team is on fire.  We end up smoking Charlie's team.  During that game, a bunch of people came into the gym.  So there was now a waiting line to play.  Fortunately, since my team won, I was still playing.  In between the games, Charlie comes over and says, "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't pick you up."  I said, "Don't worry about it. My team won and you're sitting...so suck on it."  He smiled, nodded his head, and had a seat.  I kept playing and won 3 more games...beating Charlie's team again in the last game.

   We showered up and headed home.  We had plans to go out with some friends later that night.  Charlie had been a little depressed lately because his girlfriend had just dumped him.  He had found out she was cheating on him and he called her on it.  He still wanted to work it out.  She just wanted out.  He was devastated.  So I got a bunch of the guys together to go out last night and cheer him up.  We were having a great time.  There were lots of girls at the bar and we were all shooting pool and cracking each other up.  Then about 11:00, I started to feel sick.  I went to the bathroom and threw up.  I didn't even drink that much.  So I went out and told the guys I was headed home.  Charlie offered to take me.  I said, "Nah, I'm OK.  You stay here and have a good time."  So I left.

   The phone rings at 3:30 this morning.  It's Charlie.  He is frantic.  He said, "Dude!  Someone broke into my house, fucked everything up, and I can't find my dogs."  I was still kind of out of it.  I said, "Shit man.  I'm sorry.  What can I do to help?"  Charlie said, "I don't know.  I just didn't know who else to call... just hope my dogs are OK.."  I said, "Yeah I know how important your dogs are to you.  Have you checked the basement yet?"  Maybe they heard the commotion and went down there."  Charlie said, "No.  I haven't gone down there because the basement door is still dead bolted."  I said, "Huh...maybe you should check it anyway..."  In a puzzled voice, Charlie said, "Okay...hold on." 

   I hear Charlie unlock the dead bolt and open the basement door.  He called for his dogs and I hear one bark.  He said, "Yeah there down there how did you kno...arrrrggghhhhh....".  There was brief silence and then I heard a dog licking the phone.  I didn't go straight home from the bar.  I stopped by Charlie's place first and messed it up a little and put a wire across the second stair.  I guess Charlie didn't see it.  Before I hung up the phone I said, "Thanks for picking me to be on your team yesterday...ASSHOLE!"

   By the way, I was the one screwing his ex-girlfriend.  I do feel kind of bad about that.