SO I WAS CRUISIN ON MY FAT GUY SCOOTER WHEN I CAMR ACROSS A CHUCK E CHEESE.  SINCE I HADN'T EATEN IN ABOUT 15 MINUTES, I FIGURED I'D GO IN BEFORE I WASTED AWAY.  I GO IN AND ALL THESE KIDS START JUMPIN ON MY STOMACH THINKING I'M A BOUNCY CASTLE!!  3 MOM PULLED THEIR KIDS OFF, BUT SADLY 2 KIDS GOT SUCKED INTO MY FOLDS....i KNOW THEY'RE IN THERE SOMEWHERE...

I SAW A FAMILY OF 4 EATING A MEAT LOVER'S PIZZA, AND BEING THE SUPER COOL HARDCORE GUY THAT I AM, I USED MY GUT LIKE A WRECKING BALL, AND SLAMMED THEM ALL AWAY FROM THE TABLE!  AFTER DEVOURING THE PIZZA (AND POSSIBLY A WAITRESS, I WAS TOO FAR IN FEEDING FRENZY MODE TO REMEMBER)  SAW A BALL PIT.  BEING SO FUCKING AWESOME, I JUMPED RIGHT IN THERE CAUSE I DON'T GOVE A FUCK ABOUT KIDS OR ZPELLING!  I CLIMBED BACK OUT AND SAW A BUNCH OF CRYING BLEEDING KIDS.  I TOLD THEM ALL TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, STOLE A LOLLY POP OFF ONE KID SCREAMING "YOU SQUASHED MY BROTHER YOU FAT BASTARD!"

I WENT HOME THAT NIGHT AND SLEPT LIKE A BEACHED WHALE