So here it is Friday, January 30, 2009, and it is about two in the afternoon.  Its busier than hell and as I come up for air, I take a look at the computer in my squad car to see what calls are holding.  I see there is an assault holding in my beat at one of our local elementary schools.  Great, another playground fight and a parent wants justice for little Johnny who got his ass kicked.  I check the call comments and not there was a fight between two five year old boys.  Are you kidding me!!!??? But officer you dont understand one of the boys was stabbed in the face with a fork.  WTF?  A fork?  A plastic fork?  That isnt assault that is a fine example of ingenuity and adaptation.  A five year old who is smart enough to grab a plastic fork and utilize it as a weapon is ok in my book.  Ok, not really, but what the hell do the parents and the school want me to do about it?  Oh they want justice, they want the offending five year old strung up by his little testicles, never mind the fact that their son was stabbed because he relentlessly taunts and torments the kid who stabbed him.  For crying out loud these are five year olds and one of them is already a bully.  Well, I refused to take action, the parents complained and I was told to take a report.  For the first time in my 10 year career I refused so I got to go home early.  You know, insubordination has its advantages; I mean I get to start my weekend two hours earlier than normal, which gives me more time to prep for the Super Bowl.

So yesterday I am cruising around my fine city and an assist to the fire department call kicks out.  Apparently some soccer mom cut her hand while she was cutting an avocado and she was feeling light headed.  What the hell does fire want from me?  So I arrive on scene and there stands all of these big and burly young buck fire guys.  They tell me the door is locked and nobody will answer.  I stand and stare at them still trying to figure out what they want from me.  Oh, you want ME to kick the door in.  WTF!  Im 5ft 9in tall, 185 LBS and I am 41.  I am in good shape, but these fire guys are all in their 20s and 30s, the average height of the group is about 6ft 6ft 5in tall and they can all bench press at least 300 LBS.  So what gives?  Not to mention they have things like, ummmm. Axes or large pry tools.  I have size 8 boots and a mean mule kick, but this door is solid oak.  After the third kick one of the heroes steps in and smashed open the door with a battering ram.  Thanks a lot!  So, we enter the house and there is blood all over the kitchen, and hallway and bathroom, but nobody is there.  We search the whole house including the garage and notice there are no vehicles in the garage, Uh oh!  I have dispatch call the woman and it turns out she drove herself to the ER before the fire department got there.  That was a $2000.00 door by the way.

So the state legislature just enacted a new law prohibiting any part state name on the license plate from being covered.  Which means anyone that has a license plate frame covering the state can be pulled over and ticketed.  Ok, I would never ticket for it, but it gives me a good stop in case I really want to pull over a scum bag.  Well, unfortunately for my department, we have some over zealous non thinking can only function Sgts and Lts.  One of our traffic Sgts fits into that category and he decided to send a department wide email out to everyone who is in violation of this new statute.  He cruised the parking lot and looked for cars that were in violation.  Of course he was ignored, so the following week there he is sitting down the street from our sub station pulling over off duty officers and other civilian employees who had not corrected this problem.  I dont even know where to start with this, but I will end it here before I start to develop that uncontrollable twitch in my left eye again.

Thanks for reading.