Dear You,     

Sometimes the pain is still to great and I can't think about you for too long.  It's like staring at the sun with no sunglasses.  It makes me uncomfortable and my face contorts.  I know I caused you pain and heartache.  I know I shattered your trust.  I know I let you down.  I talked you into giving us another chance.  You didn't want to, but I talked my way in.  I played with your emotions like a pair of dice.  I got hot and rolled sevens for awhile.  Instead of stopping, cashing in, and enjoying what we had, I kept rolling and crapped out.  I can never take back the things I did.  I just wish I could make them up to you.  Sometimes I think I can...other times I know I can not.  You gave me all of you and I crumpled it like a piece of paper; only giving you bits and pieces of myself.   I had no idea how to deal with a love like ours.  It was beautiful and pure and it scared me to death.  It made me feel invincible when we were together and completely alone when we weren't.  I didn't know how to handle that.  So I killed it.  I killed it in a vile and callous way; not because I didn't love you.  I do love you, but you love me just as much.  I can't understand that.  Why would you love me in such a way?  You are the special one.  You are the smart one.  You are the beautiful one.  You deserved to be loved by someone better than me.  The one thing I never wanted to do, I have done repeatedly.  I would take it back if I could.  Unless, taking it back would mean not loving you.  I will not give that back.  It is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  The only thing I would change is everything about me and nothing about you.

Love,

Me