He said... Want a quickie?
She said... As opposed to what?

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said... You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said... Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... This coffee isn't fit for a pig!
She said... No problem, I'll get you some that is.

She said... What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said... Well, you succeeded.

Priest... I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.
She said... Who's gonna look?

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She said... No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She said... Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said... Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said... I would, but you're never there.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said... Well, you succeeded.

He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea... You stand by the ironing board, while I sit on the sofa and fart.

He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said... Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard.