Hey there you fuckin fucktards,  I return once again triumphantly to the sounds of trumpets, DMX, and orgasming women.

Wow, it's been a while, and when the fuck did ebaums become a social networking site? We have chat now?  I don't want to actually interact with anyone on this site, I just want to read their quips and shit on them anonymously while they seethe in their basement and eat pizza bagels with extra sauce.

So, what to chat about this time.  How about some awesome phrases i've been using recently that both make me laugh and insult several different groups of people?  Alright, let's do this thing.

1.  I'm gonna lay pipe like a union worker.

- This one's a great one, because everyone knows that the pipe fitters are all in a union, and they lay a lot of it when doing construction.  For the undersexed masses, this means having sex (rough sex, sometimes bloody rough sex, sometimes rape aka surprise sex.)  Also, women are objects and should be treated accordingly, so don't be afraid to say this at your local feminist rally, book club meeting, or MADD meeting.

2.  That's gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys.

- This is a way to really accentuate how gay you think something is.  Just when they think you're gonna comparitively reference the gayness of something to a set of 8 men being gay, you throw in another 9 guys bringing the total up to 17, truly emphasizing the gayness of an act.

3.  Fuck you.

- Classic.

4.  No is just a sexy way of saying yes.

-  Validating rape for years.

5.  I've never seen an ugly back of a girl's head.

- Words to live by, and if you don't get it, think about what part of the head you see when you're smashing from behind because she's vomit-worthy from the front.

6.  I heard you almost suffocated when you were born because the doctor was so busy slapping your mother for birthing you, he forgot to slap your ass.

-  A little bit lengthy, but if you can get it all the way out before they say something or start throwing punches, it can be a game ender.  So far I've only gotten it out once, but man did that girl feel ugly for the rest of the night.

7.  When you blow your nose, no matter what you use, it's toilet paper...assface.

- Sometimes just stating the obvious can be the best technique.

8.  You were that kid that ran away from home and nobody came looking for, huh.

-  Yea, that's pretty much just calling the kid useless.  Win.

9.  You know baby, i knew there was something about you I liked...unfortunately you just spent the last of it on that drink.

- Haha, ugly rich girls.

And Finally:

This is stolen mind you.

10.  Women are like parking spots.   They're liars and whores.

- It doesn't have to make sense when it's true.

Well thats all i have, i'm prolly not even gonna come back to read the comments on this, so feel free to talk shit anonymously. I mean, thats what these sites are all about.  I wish you all the worst, suck my balls.

-Mega