Listen up bitches, no not the ladies, you! You sexless ebaumer. I'm gonna lay the smackdown on what to do and not do to straighten your ass out.

First, if you are lookin' for women to be your cum-dumpster, go ahead and clear your sick web history, wrap your computer cable around your neck, go to the 12th story window, and fuck it, just jump. You probably have a sister, a female cousin, a neice, or hell, even a daughter if your old enough, and once you figure out that cum-dumping scumbags like you (or even worse) are out there just trying to lie cheat and steal to find a wet hole to throw his sperm in someone you love, you will realize you are not just like those scumbags, you ARE those scumbags. So God gave you 2 hands to satisfy yourself, and when you do and return to rational thinking, maybe you can read on.

Done? Ok, let's start it.

• ~If you don't know her, don't screw her. You will hate her after a few sex romps because you never loved her in the 1st place.
• ~No clubs. Ho's go to clubs. You want a disease or a baby with that? Nope. Especially after the make up and tummy tuck belt comes off? Nope nope! 
• ~Free diseases checks at clinics. Before that condom comes off or falls off, better check to see if you are going to get herpes for life.
• ~If she's intested she will sit or stand near you, try to be in your line of view for your attention. She will laugh loudly, take your drink or hat and hope you chase her and touch her, bitches always do shit like that. Her hormones will take over just like yours do, and she will spray her scent all over the place. Not sure? Then she doesn't want you or isn't in the mood. You know 100% or nothing. But "I'm not sure." --then she doesn't want you stupid! 
• ~Lightly copy her signals. Smile back, touch her arm or hand lightly. Say goodbye, say hello. Don't be a perve or annoying.
• ~She is hormonal. One second she wants to hump every trailer hitch, the next she's in cold storage. Like an eclipse, you have a short time, after that, fucking forget it until the eclipse comes back or find another woman in "eclipse mode." You aint' rich or Brad Pitt,so you can't make her jump your bone. Stop texting and bothering her. "But I've seen loud-mouthed assholes get women, and they fall for that shit!" Hey, she was in trailer hitch mode and he moved in.
• ~No friendzones. She doesn't want you, neither does her friends. You can't look for other women while you are holding shopping bags....you fucking puss.
• ~Be available, go to parties with friends, BBQs etc. You are casually dating every single woman there.
• ~Don't over-pursue. She knows you want to fuck, she got it, sending texts and chatting her up all the fucking time makes her sick of you. You entice a squirrel to your nuts, not chase it all over the yard.
• ~Don't date anyone from work, fucking ever! Most don't work out, and you should quit unless you want the workplace vagina army hissing sneering and making your life miserable. Bitches get revenge that way, don't ever ever ever date anyone from work.
• ~Where is a good woman you can screw for the rest of your life.....safely? Go do shit you like to do, or volunteer and be available.
• ~Get to the gym, eat 5 small meals a day that are not Whoppers, and the weight comes off. --better your chances.
• ~Love the person, not the stink tube attached to her. Believe it or not, the person you actually like is more satisfying than some chick you just met.

Hope this helps. Takes time, but move the fuck on if she starts acting stubborn or uninterested. Every 20 women you try, you'll get 1 interested person. That's all  you need, one.