I just ran out of cigarettes, and it's the first time that's happened in like a year.  I'm freaking out.

I hate addiction.  Why is finding nicotine the most important thing to me right now? 

I find myself writing this, so I can sit down, and don't start walking circles around my apartment. I need a smoke almost as much as I need air to breathe... and my last smoke was only a half hour ago.   You don't think about how bad it is, until you stop feeding it.. or are threatened with the possibility of having to go without.

I'm really contemplating smoking some of my weed, but I don't have much left, and would like to make sure there's some when my bf gets home.... not that it would help.  I light a smoke right after I smoke a joint... and I fear that it'll only be worse.

I don't have ID, and I sure as hell do not look 19.  So I'm stuck till the man comes home.  URGH!

I wonder if I'll ever be able to kick this.  I doubt it.  I'm very highly addicted, smoking over a pack a day now at least.  I usually don't go 20 mins without one, unless I'm at work.  People say that it's just a state of mind, and all you have to do is just stop.  Those fuckers don't smoke.  They also say try doing things that don't remind you of smoking, and avoid situations where you'd usually have a smoke.  Well that cuts out eating, waking up, watching tv, sitting at the computer, walking down the street, smoking weed, drinking coffee.... FUCK THAT.

I think I need rehab.  People assume that a cigarette addiction isn't as bad as say a Meth addiction, but I have to disagree.  It'll kill you, not as fast, but it will.  It's also just if not more addictive.... eh... I heard that only 9 percent of people who TRY to quit Meth actually do... and I'm sure the success rate of cigarettes is a little higher because of all the readily available quitting aids.  But I also hear that the addiction is worse than a herone addiction... I've never done smack... all I know is that cigarettes is the only substance or thing I haven't been able to give up... and I'm usually pretty adaptable to change.

I don't know... if lung cancer doesn't get me, something else will for sure.

Bf's home! Smoke time!