I've really enjoyed reading the "naked" blog craze sweeping the sit this evening. They did get increasingly worse, but the early ones were fan-fucking-tastic. that being said, I shall not sully the original ones with a bastardization of said work. Rather, I will spout pure, unadulterated bullshit. None of this is true....except number 5.

1) I perform as a panamime under the street name of "The Big Sad". My shitck is that I'm a really, really depressed mime...who happens to be trapped in a box

2) Bill Cosby and I once split an entire case of Jell-O 'puddin'. Cosby got so wired from the sugar he accidently strangled a hooker and her pimp while negotiating a threesome between Cosby, the hooker and myself

3) I once helped Bill Cosby dispose of a hooker and pimp corpse. (My grandma was so pissed when she saw what we did with her rug!)

4) I once witnessed a midget performing in a donkey show. Due to the size of the midget, it wasn't so much a donkey show as it was a shitzu show, but he did put fake donkey ears on the dog, so the illusion was still maintained

5) The number 5 was invented by my great-grandfather, who decided that four and six needed a "buffer of sorts"

6) My real name is Raymond P. Urass....but you can call me "Ray" for short

7) I attended an all-girls school from grades 7 to 8 until I realized that my huge clit was nothing more than a really small penis

8) My family is friends with Keifer Sutherland. FYI, he hates it when you talk during rape

9) I once broke both my legs attempting to ride a dog like a horse. (Please substitute 'dog' for the words 'handicapped child', and 'horse' with the word 'wheelchair')

10) The character from the movie "Pay It Forward" was based on my real-life experiences. That's right, I once stabbed an uppity poor fuck who tried to make the world a better place

11) Ron Howard and Donny Most are two of the biggest cock-bags on the planet. (Nothing to do with me. I just really, really hate "Happy Days")

12) My hands once touched the hands of Princess Diana. I just happend to be in the tunnel a few hundred feet from the accident, and, well....

That is all. Now can we please put these 'naked' blogs to rest? Someone write about dicks or something, just no more deepest secrets and useless facts!!

Cheers,

-The Big Bad