I went to the orthodontist last year and he said I needed braces. I immediately panicked and thought I wouldn't be able to perform oral sex--not that these opportunities arise on a regular or even semi-regular basis, but still, one ought to be yare. I texted my friend Roze, who wore braces for a few years, and she assured me that it was still possible to go down as long as you did so with a bit more care. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Speaking of Roze, I asked her how her new job is going and if she likes her co-workers. She said she likes this one woman named Lynne who is like me, but "not as crude".

I saw a personalized license plate this morning that read "GOD 911". I wanted to ralph.