It's a Wonderful Life combo 2
lard_infamous
Published
07/29/2011
"Where the fuck is everyone?" I asked. "You were never born", explained Bob, "Which means you never contained wallboy's diseased pants in your stomach. The virus spread across North America killing hundreds of millions. The rich were able to escape it by buying high priced underground bunkers, but the poor weren't so lucky. Some survived, but broke out in sores, rashes, and scabs. Many were kidnapped by rich douche bags and sold into slavery"
"What about my little chicken wing?"
"Trust me, you don't want to see her"
"Fucking take me to her now before I take your halo, deep fry it and eat it like a donut!!"
"*sigh* fine.", He said reluctantly. He snapped his fingers, and suddenly we were standing in a low lit room with no windows. I saw a girl covered in scars and bruises sitting in the corner. She was shaking and quietly crying . I bent down to get a closer look...It was Tyaeda! "Who the fuck did this to you my little chicken wing? I'll eat 'em, shit 'em out, dip 'em in chocolate, and eat 'em again!" "Nobody in this world can see or hear you", said my guardian angel, "You don't exist, remember? The culprits you speak of are in the next room." I waddled down the hall into a smoke filled room with Wallboy and Lord_Infamous passing a blunt and laughing. "God dam that bitch is tight!" said Mr.Humble-as-fuck. "The next time she fights back, I'm givin' that skank a shiner!" said Wallboy. "How is this possible? I said to Frog bob "Lord_Infamous sold all his cars, and Wallboy sold all his porn to someone named festimo. They combined their earnings to buy this bunker. They purchased your girlfriend at an underground slave auction. Her only purpose in life now is to cater to the sexual needs of these two."
I couldn't believe this. All this happens if I was never born. Well, even if my little chicken wing doesn't love me anymore, I still would never want to see her like this. Hell, I wouldn't even wish this fate on a vegetarian! "I've fuckin seen enough! I DO wanna live! Send me back!" Frogbob gave me a grim stare "I can not undo what has been done. You have used up your ONE wish." "DO IT NOW BEFORE I SIT ON YOU BITCH!" I roared. Bob shook his head. "Like I said, you only get one wish. I thought I made that--CLEAR
*ZAP*
I awoke in an ambulance between two paramedics. Tyaeda was beside me sobbing. "Oh thank god you're alive!", she said with tears rolling down her face, "I thought I lost you" I was confused as fuck. "What the hell is going on?" "Sir, you had a heart attack", said one of the paramedics, "This young lady here saw you slumped on the side of a bridge and dialed 9-1-1" "I'm so sorry for what I said before" said my little chicken wing, "When I saw you dying, I realized I couldn't be without you! I love you my Jabba the hunk!" and with that, she threw her arms around me (or as far as she could) Was it all just a dream?
Tyaeda kissed me on the cheek and said "When you get home from the hospital, I'm gonna cook you the biggest..... *sniff* Why do you smell like pot?"
"What about my little chicken wing?"
"Trust me, you don't want to see her"
"Fucking take me to her now before I take your halo, deep fry it and eat it like a donut!!"
"*sigh* fine.", He said reluctantly. He snapped his fingers, and suddenly we were standing in a low lit room with no windows. I saw a girl covered in scars and bruises sitting in the corner. She was shaking and quietly crying . I bent down to get a closer look...It was Tyaeda! "Who the fuck did this to you my little chicken wing? I'll eat 'em, shit 'em out, dip 'em in chocolate, and eat 'em again!" "Nobody in this world can see or hear you", said my guardian angel, "You don't exist, remember? The culprits you speak of are in the next room." I waddled down the hall into a smoke filled room with Wallboy and Lord_Infamous passing a blunt and laughing. "God dam that bitch is tight!" said Mr.Humble-as-fuck. "The next time she fights back, I'm givin' that skank a shiner!" said Wallboy. "How is this possible? I said to Frog bob "Lord_Infamous sold all his cars, and Wallboy sold all his porn to someone named festimo. They combined their earnings to buy this bunker. They purchased your girlfriend at an underground slave auction. Her only purpose in life now is to cater to the sexual needs of these two."
I couldn't believe this. All this happens if I was never born. Well, even if my little chicken wing doesn't love me anymore, I still would never want to see her like this. Hell, I wouldn't even wish this fate on a vegetarian! "I've fuckin seen enough! I DO wanna live! Send me back!" Frogbob gave me a grim stare "I can not undo what has been done. You have used up your ONE wish." "DO IT NOW BEFORE I SIT ON YOU BITCH!" I roared. Bob shook his head. "Like I said, you only get one wish. I thought I made that--CLEAR
*ZAP*
I awoke in an ambulance between two paramedics. Tyaeda was beside me sobbing. "Oh thank god you're alive!", she said with tears rolling down her face, "I thought I lost you" I was confused as fuck. "What the hell is going on?" "Sir, you had a heart attack", said one of the paramedics, "This young lady here saw you slumped on the side of a bridge and dialed 9-1-1" "I'm so sorry for what I said before" said my little chicken wing, "When I saw you dying, I realized I couldn't be without you! I love you my Jabba the hunk!" and with that, she threw her arms around me (or as far as she could) Was it all just a dream?
Tyaeda kissed me on the cheek and said "When you get home from the hospital, I'm gonna cook you the biggest..... *sniff* Why do you smell like pot?"
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