Finally someone manages to come close to Chuck Norris' level of awesomeness. Here are some Michael Phelps facts:

Michael Phelps isn't like a fish, a fish is like Michael Phelps

When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn't get wet. Water gets Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage

Michael Phelps wasn't born he was hatched

Michael Phelps can eat out a mermaid

When you say "no one's perfect", Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult

Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke

Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him

When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps

Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps

On the Asian market, Michael Phelps' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce

Michael Phelps can dribble a football

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out. It failed miserably

Michael Phelps can make water run uphill

Michael Phelps can divide by zero

When you Google 'Michael Phelps losing' you get no results because it just doesn't happen

Phelps once punched a hole thru a shark just to see down the ocean

If by some incredible space-time paradox, Michael Phelps would ever swim against himself, he'd win. Period.

Phelps doesn't sweat, he drips chlorine

Michael Phelps recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps was what Willis was talkin' about

Michael Phelps saved Gepetto from the whale

Michael Phelps can swim through ice

Every time Michael Phelps laughs, an undertow kills 3 orphans

When in China, Michael Phelps would order whole chickens but only eat their souls…then do the breast stroke

Rappers no longer wear bling, they wear Michael Phelps

You can find a pot of Phelps at the end of the rainbow

There's an order to the universe: space, time, Michael Phelps.... Just kidding, Michael Phelps is first every time

People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing

Contrary to popular belief, Phelps actually parted the Red Sea with his freestyle medley

Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps, hence waterfalls

As a child, Phelps didn't wear water wings, water wings wore Michael Phelps

As polar ice caps continue to melt, humans will begin to evolve to adjust to a world of water. Conclusion: Phelps is from the future

Phelps taught Aquaman how to swim

Hurricane Phelps is a sign of the apocalypse; it makes Katrina look like a muddy puddle

Michael Phelps' sperm backstrokes