Money we don't have...
Tyaeda
Published
10/18/2010
My sister just got a loan for university. It covers her tuition, books, and also comes with a little extra for whatever... that's not bad.
After some heated arguments, my father agreed to pick up the interest payments, of about $35 a month.... which is somewhat a compromise, seeing as originally she demanded that he sell his toys that he's been collecting for retirement (which he hopes will be soon), to pay the entirety of the loan... which is about 35k. This loan, is not a government loan... my dad makes too much for her to qualify for nearly anything... so he co-signed a bank loan that has to be paid back much sooner.
She has to pay back the loan at some point. She's not worried about it.
She wants to be a high school teacher. A great goal... but I'm worried. See, my sister has never really met the real world. At 18, she still believes that she's entitled to everything... she has absolutely no street smarts, and refuses to get a job right now. She also agreed to take the bus to school, but my father, and a friend of a family has picked that up.... so that is something she also refuses to do.... and feels entitled to refuse.
She also has this false sense of responsibility. She has access to this loan, in order to pay for things. She has a cell phone, in which she "pays for" with her loan. She truly believes that this cell phone is being paid for... when really it's no different than having a credit card. She just shrugs it off like "I don't have to pay until I'm out of school".
She's just not worried. She believes that right out of university, she will be offered a job that will pay back the loan, and get her where she wants to be in life. Truth is... teachers don't make that much. She has no idea what the average of 50k a year will get her.. and by spending money that she doesn't have a clear cut plan to pay back, I see trouble in her future. Her expectations are too high for the real world... this money is just there for her to spend... she takes pride in it... as if she's achieved it.. as if she's worked for each penny... when really she's got quite a bit a head of her.
She has no concept of the value of earning, or planning. Sure she's worked hard to get where she wants to be academically... but she's had a lot of help. I'm worried about when the purse strings are cut... she may be very educated and academically intelligent... but she believes these skills are superior to the life lessons we all come to learn.... and often the hard way. She, up to this point, has never learned anything by experience. She's never experienced loss, impossibility, or real restriction. She's always had someone hold her hand... although she's excelled at that, I doubt she will excel at other real responsibilities. Housing, cooking, planning purchases, gaining money for those purchases.
Me... I struggle. I've made a couple bad choices in life, and had to deal with harder situations that have brought about major set backs. I've grown to have a good appreciation for opportunity. I've learned the value of hard work, and what it's like to earn what I have. She hasn't. She still expects my dad to drive her around, so she doesn't have to take a bus. She expects that there will be a history teacher job available, in the area, when she's out of university. She expected to be accepted for this loan... and if not, she expected my father to pick up the tab. She has high expectations, and I fear a sudden realization brought on by a minor "life isn't fair" occurrence will cause her to make mistakes, or fall further into her mixed view of the world.
My parents, parented each of us very differently. I was taught real world morals and values at an early age. I didn't get what I wanted... only what I needed. I understood that my dad worked very hard for a long time to be able to support us, and to ask for things I didn't deserve was way out of line. I earned everything, from field trips that required my parents to pay out, to being able to get new clothes, instead of hand-me-downs from friends... this was all from a very young age. My sister and brother... not so much. I gave my parents a hard time during my teenage years, so now they've taken a more laid back approach when it comes to my now teenaged siblings. For example... I would always be out of the house... my parents rarely knew where I was... even if I told them. They always reminded me to find a phone and contact them, to update them on my whereabouts... I didn't always do this.. and it worried my parents quite a bit. Now, my sister has a cellphone that is in my parent's name. She has it because, and I quote my mother "If she misses the bus, she needs to be able to call for a ride". It's valid... but if you compare it to the trouble I could have, and did get into, and the situations where I needed to call for help.. her reasoning seems a little strange.
I'm not jealous... there's nothing I can do to win over my parent's lost affection, in order to make up for anything I feel as if I was once entitled to. Can't change that... nor do I want to. I am however concerned about the way she'll turn out with all of this extra assistance, and shielding from the real world. She's not the only example. I see many parents being over protective of my friends, and I know how they all turned out. Spoiled, entitled victims of this world, who haven't the foggest clue as to how to make it on their own. They do expect more, and often refuse to accept petty bullshit, as irrelevant as working a weekend shift.
I am fortunate, in this aspect, to have not have been given everything I wanted. It would have been nice to live a care free life, but I know from experience that not caring, or expecting too much, will only lead to disappointment at some point. The sooner we are exposed to reality, the sooner we can adjust to it. My parents reward my sister for her academic success, but how are they going to be there when something doesn't work out? Where do they draw the line, and what effect does that have on the dependent?
After some heated arguments, my father agreed to pick up the interest payments, of about $35 a month.... which is somewhat a compromise, seeing as originally she demanded that he sell his toys that he's been collecting for retirement (which he hopes will be soon), to pay the entirety of the loan... which is about 35k. This loan, is not a government loan... my dad makes too much for her to qualify for nearly anything... so he co-signed a bank loan that has to be paid back much sooner.
She has to pay back the loan at some point. She's not worried about it.
She wants to be a high school teacher. A great goal... but I'm worried. See, my sister has never really met the real world. At 18, she still believes that she's entitled to everything... she has absolutely no street smarts, and refuses to get a job right now. She also agreed to take the bus to school, but my father, and a friend of a family has picked that up.... so that is something she also refuses to do.... and feels entitled to refuse.
She also has this false sense of responsibility. She has access to this loan, in order to pay for things. She has a cell phone, in which she "pays for" with her loan. She truly believes that this cell phone is being paid for... when really it's no different than having a credit card. She just shrugs it off like "I don't have to pay until I'm out of school".
She's just not worried. She believes that right out of university, she will be offered a job that will pay back the loan, and get her where she wants to be in life. Truth is... teachers don't make that much. She has no idea what the average of 50k a year will get her.. and by spending money that she doesn't have a clear cut plan to pay back, I see trouble in her future. Her expectations are too high for the real world... this money is just there for her to spend... she takes pride in it... as if she's achieved it.. as if she's worked for each penny... when really she's got quite a bit a head of her.
She has no concept of the value of earning, or planning. Sure she's worked hard to get where she wants to be academically... but she's had a lot of help. I'm worried about when the purse strings are cut... she may be very educated and academically intelligent... but she believes these skills are superior to the life lessons we all come to learn.... and often the hard way. She, up to this point, has never learned anything by experience. She's never experienced loss, impossibility, or real restriction. She's always had someone hold her hand... although she's excelled at that, I doubt she will excel at other real responsibilities. Housing, cooking, planning purchases, gaining money for those purchases.
Me... I struggle. I've made a couple bad choices in life, and had to deal with harder situations that have brought about major set backs. I've grown to have a good appreciation for opportunity. I've learned the value of hard work, and what it's like to earn what I have. She hasn't. She still expects my dad to drive her around, so she doesn't have to take a bus. She expects that there will be a history teacher job available, in the area, when she's out of university. She expected to be accepted for this loan... and if not, she expected my father to pick up the tab. She has high expectations, and I fear a sudden realization brought on by a minor "life isn't fair" occurrence will cause her to make mistakes, or fall further into her mixed view of the world.
My parents, parented each of us very differently. I was taught real world morals and values at an early age. I didn't get what I wanted... only what I needed. I understood that my dad worked very hard for a long time to be able to support us, and to ask for things I didn't deserve was way out of line. I earned everything, from field trips that required my parents to pay out, to being able to get new clothes, instead of hand-me-downs from friends... this was all from a very young age. My sister and brother... not so much. I gave my parents a hard time during my teenage years, so now they've taken a more laid back approach when it comes to my now teenaged siblings. For example... I would always be out of the house... my parents rarely knew where I was... even if I told them. They always reminded me to find a phone and contact them, to update them on my whereabouts... I didn't always do this.. and it worried my parents quite a bit. Now, my sister has a cellphone that is in my parent's name. She has it because, and I quote my mother "If she misses the bus, she needs to be able to call for a ride". It's valid... but if you compare it to the trouble I could have, and did get into, and the situations where I needed to call for help.. her reasoning seems a little strange.
I'm not jealous... there's nothing I can do to win over my parent's lost affection, in order to make up for anything I feel as if I was once entitled to. Can't change that... nor do I want to. I am however concerned about the way she'll turn out with all of this extra assistance, and shielding from the real world. She's not the only example. I see many parents being over protective of my friends, and I know how they all turned out. Spoiled, entitled victims of this world, who haven't the foggest clue as to how to make it on their own. They do expect more, and often refuse to accept petty bullshit, as irrelevant as working a weekend shift.
I am fortunate, in this aspect, to have not have been given everything I wanted. It would have been nice to live a care free life, but I know from experience that not caring, or expecting too much, will only lead to disappointment at some point. The sooner we are exposed to reality, the sooner we can adjust to it. My parents reward my sister for her academic success, but how are they going to be there when something doesn't work out? Where do they draw the line, and what effect does that have on the dependent?
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