SO THE OTHER DAY I GO TO THE WATER PARK SPORTING MY LEPORD SKIN SPEEDOS, AND SOME DUMB FUCKIN RENT-A-COP WALKS UP AND ASKS IF I COULD WEAR SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS REVEALING.  SO I SLAPPED HIM IN THE FACE WITH MY DOUBLE D'S AND KNOCKED HIM THE FUCK OUT! 

SOME LITTLE SMART ASS KID WALKS UP TO ME AND SAYS "ARE YOU A WHALE?"  AND I SAYS "YEAH AND HERE MY BLOW HOLE YOU LITTLE SHIT!" I TURN AROUND AND FART AND BLAST THE LITTLE BRAT HALF WAY ACROSS THE PARK CAUSE I'M THE MUTHA FUCKIN ALPHA WHALE BITCHES!!  I WENT UP TO ONE OF THE LIFE GUARDS WHO WAS ACTIN LIKE HE WAS ALL BIG AND BAD AND ASKED WHEN THE WAVE POOL STARTED.  HES ALL LIKE4 "THIS ISN'T A WAVE POOL SIR"  AND I'M ALL LIKE "OH YEAH?" AND JUMP IN!

NEXT THINGT i KNOW THE POOL IS ALL EMPTY AND SHIT AND THERES'S KIDS ON THE DECK CRYIN FOR THEIR MOMMYS.  THE PRICK LIFE GUARD STARTS YELLIN AT ME, BUT AINT MY FAULT THE STUPID BITCH DON'T PUT NUFF WATER IN THE POOL!  BUT AT LEAST THE 2 CHUCK E CHEESE KIDS FELL OUT MY FOLDS.  THEY WERE ALL LIKE "I WANT MY MOMMY I WANNA GO HOME!" BUT I AINT NO FUCKIN TAXI SERVICE, SO ISLAPPED EM ASIDE WITH MY LEG CELLULITE AND HEAD FOR THE WATER SLIDE

to be continued.....