I guess I don't have to withhold anything now.  My wife is finally trying to be a mother of some kind again.  She's also seeking legal advice.

"Hey, by when do you think I can start to get on with my fucking life?  Have you done anything but talk shit to me about divorce?"

She is seeing a counsellor.  She wants to take the kids to meetings with her, one at a time.  I told her, "Fine, but I'm going to the same counsellor with the kids, one at a time too."

I'm worried my wife is going to try to spin this shit with the counsellor and the kids.  I'm encouraged that she's actually doing something with respect to the good of the children, but I don't fucking trust her anymore.

So she's finally seeing a lawyer.

"Great, let me tell you what he's going to say.  We're going to probably end up with joint custody, even if one of us tries to get the kids totally for themselves.  You're also going to owe me a crap-ton of child support."

She got PISSED.

"Explain to me how I owe you fucking child support if we have joint custody!"

"I don't have to.  The lawyer will.  That way, I'll be able to care for the kids in similar fashion as you.  They won't be doubled up in a bedroom and eating generic cereal with me and eating off of plates of silver and gold with you.  It's based on our salaries.  The lawyer says with joint custody, I could expect close to $1,000/month from you."

"You would ask for that?"

"I don't have to.  I would actually have to pay $140 to file court documents to waive the child support.  That's not going to happen.  You might want to ask him about alimony too.  That's more flexible and is impacted by how much I get in child support, but since I paid for your education, I'm entitled to some of the big bucks you're making as a result.  Since we've been married for almost 18 years, I'd only get that for 8 or 9 years.  I guess our daughter's 12.  I'd only get child support for her for 6 or 7 years anyway, so I guess 8 or 9 years is a long time."

She was PISSED.

"I'm not trying to blackmail you.  I don't want to be married to you anymore either.  The idea of being married to a person who intends to put her own needs before everybody else's, except MAYBE her children's, makes me sick.  I didn't want to tell you about the money you'd owe me on the off chance you'd lift a fucking finger to try to keep our family together, I wouldn't think you were doing it to hold onto your money."

She was PISSED.

I really wish I'd have gotten more of a sense of satisfaction from this.  When she told me that she was "Not having this conversation" and hung up.  I didn't feel smug.  I didn't feel like I'd beaten her.  I didn't feel like I was paying her back for rejecting me and fucking me over after my surgery.  I just felt stressed out and disappointed.

My daughter is done with her shower.  I'm going to put her to bed.