TRUE STORY:

I really like this girl and I know that we will eventually get married. I didn't want anything to get in the way of this so I decided to give up beans for the rest of my life. It would be hard but I would not want my gas to seperate me from my future wife. So I'm driving home from work one day and my car breaks down. I called my girlfriend but she didn't pick up. I left her a message explaining about the car. I waited a while and when she didn't answer I decided to walk. Half way to the house I started to smell some food. As I walked farther and farther down the road the smell became more intense. Once I reached the source of the smell I looked up. It was a restaraunt and the smell was freshly baked beans. I thought to myself for a moment. One bowl of beans wont do much harm. I would just let out all my gas on the rest of the walk home. So I ate the bean and walked all the way home. I thought that when I got home all the gas would be gone but It was just kicking in. I knocked on the door and my wife opened. She quickly covered my eyes with a blind fold and walked me to the dining room. Before I could explain what had happened the phone rang. She told me not to take off the blind fold. As she was entering the kitchen to answer the phone my stomache started making very loud noises. The gas started building up until I could not bare it anymore. I cupped my ears to see if she was still on the phone, and she was. I let the fart go and It went on for almost thirty seconds. It was followed by about five little ones. Then came a watery one. I realized that I had just shit myself. I couldn't get up so i figured i would wait. The I smelled the air. HOLY SHIT!!! It was the most disgusting thing ever so I quickly found a napkin and started fanning the air. I hear my wife say her final goodbyes and all the while I was fanning my fart away. When she walked in I immediately stopped. She put her hands around the blind fold and took them off but told me to keep my eyes closed. Open your eyes she said. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, everyone yelled. My whole family was there in the room the whole time. Till this day I still wonder what it looked like when I was trying to fan my fart away. Aww, the memories.