1. STDs
That’s right, our old friend the venereal disease. Do you like to piss fire? Get excited when a white secretion painfully flows out of your cock? Enjoy having a Q-Tip inserted into the head of your penis? If you answered yes to these three questions, then a stripper is the girl for you.

2. Strippers are for fun, not relationships
You don’t take the cow home from the steakhouse, why would you take a bitch home from the strip club? “Because I was drunk” is the only acceptable answer. Sober up, tell her to take out the garbage, and lock the door behind her.

3. No one wants other guys touching their boobs
Fucking a stripper is like buying a used condom. It is unhygienic, dirty, and if your friends find out you did it, they will never let you have a sip of their Mountain Dew again. Did I mention it’s dirty?

4. Strippers are not responsible
Ever seen a rich stripper? Of course not. Even though they make $1,000+ a night, they always seem to need more money. What happens to all that money, you ask? Like the Tootsie Pop question, the world may never know…
However, if you said cocaine that is as good a guess as any.

5. Your mom will not be proud
No woman wants to see her son dating a whore. It’s barely past  Mother’s Day, you fuckers.
Go tell your mom you love her and you will never date a stripper. Nothing could make her happier.

6. Issues, issues, issues
Strippers carry more baggage than a 747 headed out of Havana two days before the Marines show up to liberate some commie bastards. You like having three little rugrats running around that aren’t yours? If you think that’s bad, just wait till you meet the five guys who have been pegged as the baby’s daddies…

7. Jerry Springer
The single worst show in the world. Ever dream of being a contestant on “Who slept with my girlfriend this week?” Go find yourself a girl who calls herself “Delicious” and your tickets will be paid for.

8. Strippers are stupid
Most strippers didn’t finish high school, hence the job showing boobies. A lot of girls will try to fool you with the whole “I’m just working my way through college” thing. Don’t be fooled. “College” in stripper terminology means “the next 8-ball of cocaine”.

9. It is always nice to be able to say your girl isn’t a whore
There are plenty of girls out there who won’t show just any random guy their birthday suit for a dollar bill and a smile. Find one of those girls. Save yourself from a life of sharing your woman with every other dude who happens to have a dollar bill.