about a hour ago i fell offa platform about 5ft in the air, landing on my right side(ribs) against a steel tank about 6 inches below that, and bounced to the ground grunting like i was pushing out a rather stubborn turd. i was coughing and grunting and generally not happy with the situation. after about two minutes, i got up and finished the task i was up there doing. i lifted my shirt and saw i was going to a have a very nice reminder of my unplanned loss of elevation. this pain reminds me of my high school football days. it brings about a sick sort of happiness, a pleasurable feeling. i compare it to every car accident i have been in (5) and the pleasurable feelings i got from them. yea, i was upset when i got a look at my cars condition, but right after, man! the feeling was exhilarating! am i an adrenaline junkie? i don't think so cuz i don't actively go out looking to get into car accidents, but i do like them. i remember looking at myself in the mirror after a week of practice and a game in high school, admiring my war wounds. wincing at and yet enjoying the pain. does this serve as some sort of affermation of life? i really try to enjoy life and savour every expirence, so i guess it is more like i love the pain because it means i am alive. there is nothing else on this planet, that i have expierenced, like lauching your body like a missle into another human being trying to inflict pain and i think this body misses that.