Just like to start of by saying, "Lick bag" (that's, "I love you" in milestyles55 speak).

Home alone for the first time in a while.  The kids are at the grandparents (staying over tonight - they love that shit, don't ask me why), and the wife is at an appointment.  Don't ask me for what.  I'm sure it's either nails, feet, hair, waxing, or whatever.  I don't care because whenever she comes home from these things, she's happy as a pig in shit.  Whatever makes her happy makes me happy, and hence the saying, "Happy wife, happy life" (you young dudes should heed these words of wisdom for your own good...if you don't believe me, ask your pa).  So happy in fact, that I usually get laid out of the deal.

Regardless, I weighed my options for the night.  All of them had one thing in common:  A massive joint (done).  After that, we had walk around the house in my gitch (done...even went so far as to venture out onto the back patio half naked, smiling to myself hoping the neighbors see me), pick up the book I'm reading (not done), have a cigarette on the porch while listening to my iPod (done), down a couple Dos Equis (done, and "Stay thirsty my friends"), and here's the kicker. I decided to fire up the ole' interweb machine and instead of surfing porn, I DECIDED TO BLOG ON HERE.

I'm either getting old (I'm 36), gay (not bloody likely), or I actually really enjoy this shit site, you shit people, and writing shit blogs.

What really made me write this shit (instead of getting in some quality porn time) is a thought that I had while severely stoned:  I started thinking how fucking cool it would be if I could call up all you fuckers on a dime to party.

That would probably unfold as follows:

- dangle would show up on acid, with a sound system, (also taking a break from the wife and kids), blasting some Middle Eastern opera shit.

- the Major would show up with "what's her name" who would immediately join my wife at the spa while the Major and I would slam a quadruple cognac.

- red would show up, bust out the gee-tar and fuck us all up with his mad skillz (while taking hits from the bong periodically - and don't say you wouldn't fucker).

- sparks would show up with a big white bengal tiger fur hat and tell us all, in detail, what he did to ravensong.

- dr.g would show up in Shakespearean dress and give us all creative writing lessons, then shot-gun a bottle of Grey Goose and kick us all in the nuts.

- strjcktgrl would show up dressed to the Tee, have a bottle of wine, and then spend the rest of the night running for her life from all the ebw pervs at my party.

- ug would show up with leather, crotchless, assless chaps, holding a dead muskrat, a bag of Amaretto, and make us all laugh until we puked out of our noses.

- Tom would show up all serious in his sandals and a deck of cards, but once we threw his medicinal weed in the bong, he'd be break dancing in the middle of the family room yelling, "Avogardo's constant!  Avogardo's constant!"

- TBB would come out of the shadows blasting some Skee-Lo.

- Tyaeda would show up in a form fitting wife beater, at which point we'd tell her to put on some fucking safety glasses, then proceed to get her extremely hammered and baked in celebration of her recent legality, and put her through the paddy-wack machine.

- Dread stands guard at the door, letting in the "Real Girls", and blasting the fuck out of anyone else with an AA-12.

Seriously.

Just imagine.

I'm fucking going to giggle myself to sleep.