I awoke drowning in fear.  All of the mistakes I have made, that lay dormant in dreams, hit me like a bolt of lightning.  The repair process is slow and some of the wounds will never heal.  My mind wants instant forgiveness from those I wronged; even though I would never forgive such transgressions against me.  I am different; I am unique, until I look into the mirror.  Those thoughts, of being unique, flee my body like a wild beast breaking it's chains of captivity.  I am just like everyone else and I have no idea how to live that way.

    The reflection in the mirror is a poor representation of how I feel inside.  The struggle, for me, is how do I get my inner self out so that my reflection resembles it.  For I do not want my inner self to resemble my reflection.  I know I have some special things to offer the world.  We all do.  Overcoming the past and letting those special qualities come out, after stifling them for so long, is a difficult chore.  Once I fully accept that it is a process, the days may turn with a more positive spin.  There is no shortcut or wormhole to the destination of spiritual tranquility.  It is a Road to Tranquility and the good stuff happens along the way.  The daily  variance of extreme entropy deltas need to be used as signs and markers, not as speed bumps or detours.  Of course, on the days when I am drowning in a flash flood of high entropy, this notion is more difficult to keep a firm grasp on.  As long as I make an effort to hold on to those thoughts longer and longer each day, it will get better.  I know this.  

   How do you see me?  Hopefully, you see me somewhere in the middle; between how I used to see myself and how I see myself now.  Most of my muddy tornado like  past will dry up, turn to dust, swirl into a harmless whirlwind, and float off into the sunrise.  Those few aspects that can not be fixed by time will be repaired with actions of gratitude.  Hopefully, the ugly scars will fade with time.