"...but then again, to few to mention."

Ah Sinatra, you said it best. I share the sentiment with Old Blue Eyes, but at the end of every day I find myself mulling over the "What If" parts of my life I've always wished I could go back and change in some way. It never hits me until I'm just about to fall asleep, and it rattles me deep down each and every time. So, thanks to the modern marvel known as alcohol, I've decided to share these regrets of mine with you.

Regret One: My biggest regret of all was not returning the affections of an old, dear friend of mine. She was a perfect specimen of the female variety. She was funny, caring, attractive, and for some reason unknown to me, my bestest buddy. We hung out, did the pal stuff, all the while with me secretly pining for her to feel the same way I did. When friends of ours would call us on our kinship and assume that funny business was going down, we always laughed and said no, but she seemed to deny it more readily than I would have liked. It seemed to me that she would never feel the way I did, so I moved on. Apparently, she did feel the same way, but was too afraid to say anything. I found a new girlfriend, she disliked her, and gradually we stopped seeing one another until we no longer spoke at all.  The new girl is now gone, and so is my old friend. I wonder about her every night. What she's doing, what she's like now....stuff like that.  Every night. I could probably get in touch with her if I tried, but that wouldn't be fair to her new life. But, every night in my head, I play out what life would had been like had we been honest with one another, and had my head not been jammed so far into my own anus as to not have seen the signs of her affections when displayed. I miss her dearly, and wish things turned out differently.

Regret Two: I was once offered a partial scholarship to attend University, at which I turned down. As a joke on my university applications page all those years ago in high school, I had choosen two universities to apply to. You could do three, so as a larf I chose a maritime school, and marine biology as my choice. (Seinfeld was my favorite show at the time...who'd of guessed.) To my surprise, none of my real ones panned out, but the marine biology one did. They saw my marks and offered me a partial scholarship to study there. I hate the water and all things in it, so I said no. Imagine what life would be like now had I taken that chance. I could be saving whales or starfish or whatever creepy shit-head things live in the ocean. Instead I took a job in Toronto working for a concert promotions company for cash. It almost killed me (believe it or not I got stabbed in the shoulder while working) and made me realize how stupid I was turning down a shot at an almost-free education. I've since learned my folly, but at full cost.

Regret Three: I chose not to attend a hospital visit for my grandfather once. Once was all it took, I guess. My mum and family all were going up to see him one day, but I didn't want to go because of a fucking soccer game on TV. (Liverpool even lost 3-0, so it was totally not worth it.) I faked a hurt leg and said to go without me, I'll drop in later to see him. The afternoon climbed on and I made plans with pals, and never got up to see him. As result of not wanting to get busted faking out the family, I intentionally left my cell at my house so I could say I didn't have it on me to answer. Turns out the poor old guy died that afternoon....quite painfully, too. He was asking where I was before he got really bad, and to say goodbye to me for him. I missed his last moments for a fucking soccer game. Go me.

Well, those are my big three regrets. Kind of a downer compared to my other assortment or ramblings, but this has been on my mind for a bit now. Here, let me lighten the mood:

"Penis".

There. That's better. 

How about you people? Care to share a regret or two? I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder here. (Except for the one that got away...she's perminately burned into my psyche for life.) It's good for what ail's ya...give it a go.

Thanks for reading my deepest darkest,

-The Big Bad