Relationships and Money.
Tyaeda
Published
05/28/2012
I'm getting married at the end of July. So when I saw someone on my facebook post this article about relationships, "5 Things Unmarried Couples should NOT Share" (link at the bottom of this blog), I was curious to see if we were breaking any of the rules.
Turns out we did... the first one actually.
"1. Money
This is a tricky one, especially if you've got joint expenses like a pet, bills or even an apartment. So before you talk about any plans to share expenses, consider first that money is one of the leading cause of divorce in America today. Ask yourself why. Oh, you're not married? So, why bother with one of the most stressful issues married couples deal with. While sharing money isn't a definitive "no can do," it's something to be carefully examined and not rushed into. "
I disagree. I am a firm believer that couples should know as much as possible about their significant other, before they enter a legal contract that's meant to last the rest of their lives. They should also know how they, as a team, deal with not - so - favourable situations, such as finances.
No, I don't think that couples should rush into joint accounts, or immediately take on significant debt together. However avoiding these situations just because they can be stressful, can be just as detrimental, if not more, to a relationship. To me, it can amount in a lack of optimism in the relationship lasting, and even trust in one another. Hell, getting married can be a very large joint expense. Very big. It doesn't make sense to me for anyone to make that their first financial exhibition together. Get some practice in first. Jeeze. Why wait until you're in a situation where you HAVE to do your finances together? You know, if finances are the leading cause of divorce, maybe you should do some preparation to avoid becoming a part of that statistic.
It's just like other "big steps" in relationships, like living together. How can anyone be sure about wanting to spend the rest of their life with someone, if they don't even know what it's like to live with them? You can't be sure. You can hope and assume, but you'll never know until you're in that situation.
What if your partner has their own debt? If you don't share finances with each other, and keep everything separate, how are you supposed to know how they deal with money? Do they make their payments on time? Do they make minimum payments, or do they try to avoid interest? Is it consumer debt, or a long term investment? These things say a lot about someone. Things you might want to know.
I shared finances with my ex fiance, and I am certainly glad I did. Yes, it was one of the main reasons we broke up, but had it not given me some foresight into my possible future with him, I would be in a much shittier situation than I'm in now, by far. Last I heard, he is always between jobs, and is struggling to support his new family. I'm much happier, not being a apart of that.
My fiance and I had a rocky start to sharing finances, but we pulled through some very testing situations that could have very well ended us as we know it. Now, planning our wedding was a breeze. We're not doing anything too too expensive, but it's what we were able to agree on, based on the numbers we crunched together. We're also saving to buy a house. We know what we want to spend, where, and when. At first we were "each paying half" but since then we have both changed jobs, incomes, and even goals. We both believe that it would have been harder to keep our incomes and responsibilities separate through the constant changes and uncertainly, than it was to not keep track of each others financial contributions, comparing them, and trying to find equality. We pay to keep a roof over "our" heads, opposed to paying to keep a roof over "his/her" head. Regardless of who's name it's in, we both use our internet, our phone, our car, eat our food, care for our cats, etc. It would be foolish to say "well that's your cat, you buy it's food, and I'll buy another bag of the same stuff to feed my cat". Or "I bought a new sheet for our bed for $24.50, you owe me $12.25." The "that's mine, that's yours" game doesn't last very long without any animosity.
Besides, I'm much happier knowing that we aren't just in it for ourselves, only worrying about we want to get out of the relationship. It's about our experiences together, caring about someone we love, and putting ourselves last in a way that balances it's self out on it's own, without keeping score.
Sharing finances isn't for everyone. Neither are long term relationships. But if you're in it for the long term, it's very nice to know that your partner will have your back in an unforeseen tough time.
At the very least, it's good to know what you're buying before you make the final sale.
(http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/5-things-unmarried-couples-not-share-003600860.html?fb_action_ids=449650895046236%2C10151803860485341%2C10151790124910171%2C10150844589058388%2C10151774232125437&fb_action_types=news.reads&fb_ref=type%3Aread%2Cuser%3AtJekS42f3a3sklRneRqnijKKXzQ%2Ctype%3Aread%2Cuser%3A0BF6MX1CxBh1OvsBZ0jhbr3A4QM%2Ctype%3Aread%2Cuser%3A97fj8hzioB801tPy4yqpPWdKQuU%2Ctype%3Aread%2Cuser%3AzD7eOU2fn0F-Y5StyPWC80GE2fQ%2Ctype%3Aread%2Cuser%3A_LMeh5MStL_Ae7Ry4sIekYot110&fb_source=other_multiline&code=AQCMbIeDcTiarmUXASOlDQtl77CE6b16nFl_nWaDCzWmj_7n9gJNCOd-RmupuooCAcYfcKsF5l7RZy4hz8mKIv7MfABqDo30YaESYudUrrQoeTCVhytATm14xkByRK6RQkRVnCEynMRsaKtJgcBXrFx1xo5Ejp9k8-Lzvhf_l2SJgLGPo5JPOwViWksL_tQYJqN6Dmdw3Ty9v1Q8Q4YZtg-w#_=_)
Turns out we did... the first one actually.
"1. Money
This is a tricky one, especially if you've got joint expenses like a pet, bills or even an apartment. So before you talk about any plans to share expenses, consider first that money is one of the leading cause of divorce in America today. Ask yourself why. Oh, you're not married? So, why bother with one of the most stressful issues married couples deal with. While sharing money isn't a definitive "no can do," it's something to be carefully examined and not rushed into. "
I disagree. I am a firm believer that couples should know as much as possible about their significant other, before they enter a legal contract that's meant to last the rest of their lives. They should also know how they, as a team, deal with not - so - favourable situations, such as finances.
No, I don't think that couples should rush into joint accounts, or immediately take on significant debt together. However avoiding these situations just because they can be stressful, can be just as detrimental, if not more, to a relationship. To me, it can amount in a lack of optimism in the relationship lasting, and even trust in one another. Hell, getting married can be a very large joint expense. Very big. It doesn't make sense to me for anyone to make that their first financial exhibition together. Get some practice in first. Jeeze. Why wait until you're in a situation where you HAVE to do your finances together? You know, if finances are the leading cause of divorce, maybe you should do some preparation to avoid becoming a part of that statistic.
It's just like other "big steps" in relationships, like living together. How can anyone be sure about wanting to spend the rest of their life with someone, if they don't even know what it's like to live with them? You can't be sure. You can hope and assume, but you'll never know until you're in that situation.
What if your partner has their own debt? If you don't share finances with each other, and keep everything separate, how are you supposed to know how they deal with money? Do they make their payments on time? Do they make minimum payments, or do they try to avoid interest? Is it consumer debt, or a long term investment? These things say a lot about someone. Things you might want to know.
I shared finances with my ex fiance, and I am certainly glad I did. Yes, it was one of the main reasons we broke up, but had it not given me some foresight into my possible future with him, I would be in a much shittier situation than I'm in now, by far. Last I heard, he is always between jobs, and is struggling to support his new family. I'm much happier, not being a apart of that.
My fiance and I had a rocky start to sharing finances, but we pulled through some very testing situations that could have very well ended us as we know it. Now, planning our wedding was a breeze. We're not doing anything too too expensive, but it's what we were able to agree on, based on the numbers we crunched together. We're also saving to buy a house. We know what we want to spend, where, and when. At first we were "each paying half" but since then we have both changed jobs, incomes, and even goals. We both believe that it would have been harder to keep our incomes and responsibilities separate through the constant changes and uncertainly, than it was to not keep track of each others financial contributions, comparing them, and trying to find equality. We pay to keep a roof over "our" heads, opposed to paying to keep a roof over "his/her" head. Regardless of who's name it's in, we both use our internet, our phone, our car, eat our food, care for our cats, etc. It would be foolish to say "well that's your cat, you buy it's food, and I'll buy another bag of the same stuff to feed my cat". Or "I bought a new sheet for our bed for $24.50, you owe me $12.25." The "that's mine, that's yours" game doesn't last very long without any animosity.
Besides, I'm much happier knowing that we aren't just in it for ourselves, only worrying about we want to get out of the relationship. It's about our experiences together, caring about someone we love, and putting ourselves last in a way that balances it's self out on it's own, without keeping score.
Sharing finances isn't for everyone. Neither are long term relationships. But if you're in it for the long term, it's very nice to know that your partner will have your back in an unforeseen tough time.
At the very least, it's good to know what you're buying before you make the final sale.
(http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/5-things-unmarried-couples-not-share-003600860.html?fb_action_ids=449650895046236%2C10151803860485341%2C10151790124910171%2C10150844589058388%2C10151774232125437&fb_action_types=news.reads&fb_ref=type%3Aread%2Cuser%3AtJekS42f3a3sklRneRqnijKKXzQ%2Ctype%3Aread%2Cuser%3A0BF6MX1CxBh1OvsBZ0jhbr3A4QM%2Ctype%3Aread%2Cuser%3A97fj8hzioB801tPy4yqpPWdKQuU%2Ctype%3Aread%2Cuser%3AzD7eOU2fn0F-Y5StyPWC80GE2fQ%2Ctype%3Aread%2Cuser%3A_LMeh5MStL_Ae7Ry4sIekYot110&fb_source=other_multiline&code=AQCMbIeDcTiarmUXASOlDQtl77CE6b16nFl_nWaDCzWmj_7n9gJNCOd-RmupuooCAcYfcKsF5l7RZy4hz8mKIv7MfABqDo30YaESYudUrrQoeTCVhytATm14xkByRK6RQkRVnCEynMRsaKtJgcBXrFx1xo5Ejp9k8-Lzvhf_l2SJgLGPo5JPOwViWksL_tQYJqN6Dmdw3Ty9v1Q8Q4YZtg-w#_=_)
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