It was a cold rainy night and I couldn't sleep a wink. Not with scum like Dick Von Dick out there on the streets. His name was all over the paper and he was a shifty son of a gun. He had enough money on his head to buy half the city. One million dollars it said, I didnt much care for money. It was always the cause of every evil thing I've ever seen. All I wanted was some justice, the cops are all paid off and the only true justice to be had was vigilante justice. I was just thinking of how I could catch this son of a bitch when in walked destiny. He came walking into my office with a short little number on and smelling like a spring flower. He wore lipstick and stroked his long soft beard as he sat cross legged across from me. The tension in my pants was palpable, and by that I mean I couldn't help but stroke my Irish salami under the cover of my desk. The bearded cross dressing goddess worked the hairy man cleavage like no one I've ever seen. He tried his best to distract me with his man boobs but I could tell he was here for business.

"You got a tip you wanna give me?" I mumble in my badass voice that sounds like Sylvester Stallone after a stroke.

"Not so much a tip as the whole nine inches." He says with a sly smile.

"Enough of the chit chat babe I got a criminal to catch. If you have anything useful to tell me then spill it." I say as I continue to mumble nearly incoherently.

"Well, you didn't hear it from me." He starts up as the tone changes from that of pleasure to business.

"But I heard that Dick Von Dick is down in the warehouse district in building 117, he is supposed to be there all night."

"I wonder what that sick baby rapist is up to tonight." I pondered.

He shrugged as he uncrossed his legs and flashed his penis shaped vagina.

"So, do I get anything for giving up this information?"

I nod as I quickly slap down fifty dollar bill on my desk.

"That is our flat fee for all information. if I catch the bastard I'll give you a cut of the money on his head as well."

The man lady sighs as he takes the money and puts it between his man-cleavage. Money was clearly not on his mind, but I never mix business with pleasure.

               I sat outside building 117 in the car overlooking some papers. They were newspapers with reports on Dick Von Dick, the sickest son of a bitch to ever walk the earth. It says he is a baby rapist and is guilty of every crime known to man. In big bold letters it says Wanted, Dead or Alive, gotta love it when they give you a choice like that. I tear out the wanted article and throw the paper in the back of the car as I begin loading my revolver and lighting up a cigar. This guy has got a gang of goons who follow him around so I knew this wasn't gonna be an easy bounty. But in the end it doesnt matter if I live or die, I already lost my only reason to live, my one and only daughter kidnapped so long ago. Wife lost her mind without our baby girl and blew her brains all over the wall. I never was the same since then, I dont think I ever will be. You start taking pills just to keep calm and you start masturbating to scat porn, soon your life goes into such a spiral you find yourself waking up at a circus with one of those never ending handkerchief coming out your ass. So you just move on and take pills to forget. But I will never forget... Never!

                 I inhale deep trying to clear my head as I stand by the door with my back to the wall. I hear voices from inside, five maybe six guys. Probably heavily armed and willing to kill any dumb bastard who is unlucky enough to wander down this way. Unfortunately for these scum, the dumb bastard who walked down here tonight is crazy and hungry for vengeance. I kick the door in catching two of them with their pants down, literally. Two of the goons were penis docking, I was probably more surprised than they were but I never showed it. I took two quick shots one to the neck the other right between the eyes. His head splits like a melon and soon I find myself alone in the back office of the warehouse. I hear three goons scrambling to get their guns as the thundering echo of my revolver reaches their ears. I kick over a desk and scrambled into cover. In seconds flat I had three goons firing Tommy guns into the offices. Friend or foe they didn't care, as long as they got to kill someone. I lied low to the ground waiting for that sound of silence. After a typhoon of lead flooded into the office the guns grew silent as the clips ran empty. I quickly stood up and fired three quick shots, but one slight miscalculation on my part. One of them had a backup pistol he took out from its holster in that moment. As I stood up, one lone bullet pierced my chest. The gun suddenly felt heavier in my hand but I kept going until all three of them were dead. I checked my revolver. I only have one bullet left so I better make it count.

                    The warehouse was dark but my heart grew darker. I hear noises coming from the shadows but I was so light headed I could barely walk never mind focus my eyes. My legs fail me as I fall to the ground. Blood dripped from my mouth, staining the ground red. I see a small figure in the shadows, he stands alone. The lights flicker on and what I see shocks me to my core. I read the papers and heard the rumors, but I never put two and two together. When they called him a baby rapist he wasn't a man who raped babies. He was a baby who was also a rapist. I never thought it possible, but there he stood diaper and all puffing on his cigar. He had a large squad of men behind him. He had a devilish grin on his face as he saw that I was greatly outnumbered and outgunned. What is worse is I dont know if I could bring myself to kill a baby

"So, youre the prick who keeps messing with my operations. Who are you? Are you from the fed, huh?! You a suit?!"

"No, I am just a lone man looking for some justice in this world."

"Well you shouldve brought more men with you. You have clearly overestimated your position." I look up for a brief moment I don't know what emotion my face showed, hell I didn't even know if I was still alive anymore. It all seemed like a dream at this point. But I knew my position well, and I never overlook anything.

"No, you god damn baby criminal, I think you have underestimated what I am capable of." The baby begins to let out an evil cackle.

"What are you gonna do? Youre a dead man who is too stupid to die! Go ahead Jimmy, splatter him all over the floor." With those words I muster the strength to lift my pistol up one more time. That one single bullet flew straight into a big box of explosives. It must have been the stock of explosives he stole from that demolition crew. No one knew what reason he stole them. I prefer to think it was destined for that purpose. Up in a big ball of fire his goons go up like dry wood. Dick Von Dick gets flung into a nearby wall by the crushing force of the explosion. He is knocked out cold. I pick up his limp body as I limp my way outside. I go out the front door this time.

       Outside the warehouse there were a line of parked cars. Dick Von Dick and his goons must have driven here. Off in the distance I see a goon running with his tail between his legs. He must have been out here watching the cars. I get into a nearby car and flop Dick Von Dick onto the passenger seat. I look up in the rearview mirror and see a girl sitting in the back of the car. I could recognize that face anywhere, it was more grown up then I remember but there was no mistaking it, she was my daughter. She recognized me in an instant and flung up from the back of the car and hugged me with all her might. She wore next to nothing and had a painted on smile. Dick Von Dick must have been running a prostitute ring of kidnapped girls. That son of a bitch had my baby girl this whole time. The light of the burning warehouse slowly began to fade as I slipped closer to death. I drop the empty revolver on the ground and pull out the wanted article. I can no longer speak but as she sees what is in my hand and takes a better look at the felon beside me her eyes light up. She looks into my eyes and I look into hers. There was no denying it I was a dead man living on borrowed time. She said something but I could no longer hear her. I just saw her eyes, she looked sad, but I saw a look of gratitude. Like she knew what I had done. As I faded into darkness the only light was the thought of my daughter living happily from now on. Heaven or hell it doesnt matter for I am eternally happy with this thought.