Yesterday at the JC Penny, I was holding my wife's purse as she was trying on some clothes. I  had it lodged under my arm pretty tight due to the fact I was now a human clothes rack and didn't want to drop it. All of a sudden I feel a vibration and assume it is her phone. I call through the door, "excuse me hon but I think you are getting a phone call."  She tells me to just ignore it. The phone continues to vibrate so I find a shopping cart drop all the sanitized coated  apparel into it.

My wife trained me from a pup to never go into her purse, so I didn't dare. As I approached the change room door to pass  the purse to my wife the vibration stops. Oh well, leave a message if it's important. My wife is very paranoid about someone stealing her purse, so  when given the responsibility to hold it, I take it very seriously.  I put the strap over my shoulder and clutched it to my side. I was getting bored and decided to stretch my legs. Some people were snickering at me holding the purse as it was quite feminine.

Hell, lets see where this can take me. Being in the ladies wear department has always been torture to me from an early age as my mother spent an eternity there trying on clothes. I swear I spent my childhood there. Time to lash out and have some fun! I put a pretty pink chiffon scarf around my neck, place a cheap wig on my head and strut my stuff.  Some people snickered, some guffawed others were "not amused ", a couple kids became confused.

Eventually, what's her name, (thanks Major), came out of the stall, saw me, turned purple and with her head turned told me to smarten up. Of course I did but not before blowing her a big Tim Curry inspired kiss.

Eventually, we arrived home with one pair of socks after a four hour trip. I turn on the T.V., sit down on my dusty chair and sweet tormented goes up stairs. About one minute later she returns takes the remote and says, I'll take this for you making an ass of yourself. OK, whatever, I don't care for television anyways.

Well doesn't miss sparkle toes saunter down the stairs looking as fresh as a daisy and happy as a two hundred pound bullfrog sitting on a pretty lily.  So, I ask, "what was that phone call about anyway?" "Oh, nothing, just an old friend making contact with me." "I see, anyone I met?" I inquire. "No, no" she says dismissively. Becoming agitated I ask, "is this someone I might enjoy meeting?"  "No, not at all", she assures me. "Well why not?" I insist. "because your interests are completely different" she hurls back at me. "I see, perhaps you should introduce us?" I retort. Well doesn't she let out a great big belly laugh and say, " one day, one day", menacingly.