In case anyone is planning a summer trip to see some of Appalachia's wonders such as the Big Muskie Bucket, AEP power plants, or one of our many trailer park/landfills, I thought I'd offer this handy translation guide to help you communicate with the locals.

"Huuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhhh, huuuuuaaaaaaaahhhh": This is the sound of mouth breathing, not an attempt at communication.  It is proper etiquette to ignore it.

"Yin": you (plural); often used when referring to you and your family.

"Yall": you (plural); often used to describe you and your present company.

"You-ins": 3 yalls and a yin

"Luvda have ya down":  Come over some time.

"Holding water": Swollen

"Awnreeee": adj. Used to describe horrible children whom you are biologically obligated to dote upon

"How's come": Why.  They are not actually asking for a description of the taste of cum.  I have made this mistake before.

"So aren't you":  So are you.  Ex.: "She is a very good singer."  "Well, so aren't you."

"Cornhole": (n) a game in which corn filled fabric bags are tossed, trying to aim for a hole in a slanted, elevated board.  See Cornhole Torn Tonite

"Cornhole Torn Tonite": Cornhole tournament tonight.  Way to win 25 bucks or a free round of put-put golf.

"Holler": (n). Woooded valley with a trailer in it.

"Crick": (n) Dirty, barely moving water

"Showing yourself": (v) acting as if you are more important than you actually are.  Ex. "Harold likes to show himself at the Walmart and yell at the cashiers."

"Mansion": (n) Any home above 1500 square feet.

"Them rrr GOOOOOOoooood": High culinary compliment

Please visit us here in fabulous Appalachia soon.  We'll show you the utmost in country hospitality....unless you're Jewish, Black or Asian.....in which case we'll stare at you and whisper to one another.

I'm Sheza and youins are now edumicated.