Once upon a time I went on a ski trip.  I knew it was going to be a long drive up there and since the environment isn't its best I decided to think green.  I smoked a joint, put on my Luigi cap and rode my pet elephant "Shiznits" all the way to the ski resort. I bought my ticket and I was ready to go. I get in line to the ski lift and I end up getting hassled by the ski patrol.  Apparently I should be standing in the single lane.  Can you believe this!  Just because I have no girlfriend I have to stand in the single line only.  This was discrimination, I wanted to start a protest and bring equality to single people everywhere.  Then I remembered protest takes work so I was like "fuck it."  At the top of the hill I noticed beyond the trees an unused hill. I decided to ski down the path less skied.  It was beautiful fresh snow; I was having the time of my life. All of a sudden a Yeti came out of nowhere and started chasing me. I start to ski faster and faster.  There was a moment where I thought I lost it but when I looked back there was an entire army of Yeti's THOUSANDS of them. True story I swear. When I got to the bottom of the hill I took off my skis and threw them at the Yeti's. One ski hit a Yeti right in between the eyes and the other ski hit a Yeti right in the onion sack.  I ran to the nearest cabin and locked myself in.  This cabin had hundreds of guns all over the place. It was time to lock and load. I am Canadian so I don't know how to use a gun so I found other ways to defend myself.  The Yetis were ringing the doorbell constantly. So I opened the door and yelled "eat lead mother fuckers!" and I threw a pack of pencils at them.  That did nothing.  Before the Yeti's could eat me I whistled over my pet elephant "Shiznit."  I remembered that elephants love to eat Yeti's.  Shiznit came running in slaughtering the Yeti's.  Blood and fur was going everywhere it was like watching a PETA nightmare.  When Shitnit was full there was only one Yeti left.  That Yeti came running right at me.  Once it got right to me I let out a loud sneeze. Boogers went all over this Yeti's face and the Yeti ran off yelping like a puppy back to the woods.  The ski resort was shocked to hear what happened so they gave me a ski free winter pass. Sweeeet.  Shiznit on the other hand had diarrhea for a month.