Let me tell you about bowling alleys. They are GREAT. Why?  There's so much you can do at them. Play a string of bowling with some buddies (if you have any). Grab a hearty bite to eat, packed with nutrients, have a rejuvinating nap, play some classic arcade games, and BEST of all, you get to RENT shoes! How great is that?

Last Monday me and three friends from my office; Burt, Hudson and Chisle went down to the bowling alley. It was PACKED. I guess it was seniors day, because it was bingo wing CENTRAL. Oh man, those old people get competive. I was playing beside one, and my ball ACCIDENTALLY hurls into their lane and messes up one old farts turn, he proptly returned the favor. I mean what's up with that?

I ended up bowling a perfect game. 35/300. Perfect for me anyway. Afterwards, it was soon time to return our shoes to the rental guy, who gives them a sniff first, and then sprays 'em. Told us he's got some kind of fetish for feet. Fine by me I said.

So the guys go to return their shoes, and I linger about, I go over to the HOT NUTS machine. Boy, that thing is appealing. Ever see one? It's like a regular 25 cent vending machine, but it's got this light bulb on it, to keep the nuts warm. So here you have these ancient nuts (i'm not talking about the old people) sitting in a glass contaner, coated in powdered flavor, particullar BBQ. They are just BEGGING for me to deposit fifty cents (i'm guessing 25 for the nuts, 25 for the warmth) and I gobbled them down right there and then.

I walked out of the alley, without returning my shoes. Screw that! They can keep MY shoes, i've got world-class bowling loafers on. The best part is the RENTAL written on each side.

I Called In Sick the next day, with a case of bad nuts.