Goddammit.  My last blog, four hours ago described how I was so fucking tired.  Now I'm up doing laundry at 3am. 

On a side note, if you're becoming bored with my personal tragedy, fuck you.  Be aware, over 95% of the purpose of these blogs are for me to figure shit out for myself.  You're a fucking bystander.  Take it for what it's worth, comment, don't comment, whatever.  This is just the medium I chose to document this shit.  Doing it publically and with a bizarre forum of observers is incidental.

My wife DID text me tonight.  I was chatting with Frogbob on that fucking Meebo thing a little while ago.  I explained I had fallen asleep on the couch for a while and was going to bed.  He was with friends.  One particularly troglodytic member of his posse inquired if I forced my hot wife to have sex with me when she was drunk and angry.  Well... no.

I shuffled on up to bed.  Was about to fall asleep when my phone chimed.

"Crashing at Jill's tonight.  Call u in am."

Right away, I messaged back.

"Are you okay?"

Nothing.  It's been an hour and no reply.  After about ten minutes, I did send another message to her though.

"Well, whatever.  I'll assume you're okay.  Thanks for texting, anyway."

It was courteous for her to send a text that she wasn't coming home.  But the opposite of courteous that she didn't reply to me.  Now, normally, I'd consider staying over her friend's house after drinking to be responsible behavior.  Tonight, it's hard to see it that way.  Seriously:  Fuck my life.  This is what I'm reduced to.

My wife and I have been swinging, but we've never done anything without the other one there.  We're always together at the end of the sex melee as well.  If she's hooking up with a strange guy or I was hooking up with a strange woman, that's still infidelity.  This is especially the case if I'm staying home and babysitting the fucking kids while she's getting strange.

If we were going to have an open marriage, for the sake of the children and to not have to foreclose on our fucking house, I might prefer that to a straight up divorce.  I could, without question, hook up some crazy wife-free sex next weekend.  The Jill in our first Jack and Jill couple wants to hook up.  If I didn't mind paying the extra money for being admitted as a "single guy," I could hook up six ways from Sunday at Red Rooster.  Now this is not what I want.  I want to be with a loving wife.  But you can't always get what you want.  But you should take what you can get.

We're seeing a marriage counsellor on Tuesday.  I'm basically treading water until then.  I know.  I KNOW, that I'm going to lose my cool while I'm there.  I know I'm lose control emotionally, one way or the other, while I'm there.  I'd much rather be indignant than weepy.

I looked up Nevada divorce laws.  She can get a no fault divorce whether I want to give one to her or not.  Nevada is notoriously easy to get a divorce in.  In Texas, the law would be on my side:  "Fuck you, asshole.  It's a legal contract.  Try to work it out or get your spouse's signature on the deal."  A no-fault divorce needs two signatures on it there.

She'd have to pay me alimony.  When we got married, I made more than she.  During the marriage, we both improved our education.  She makes 100k/year as a result.  I'm a fucking moron, wanted to save the world, became a teacher, and now I make about half of that (although I'm more degreed than she).  I'd get 20% of her paycheck... Gross... Not net.

"Whether the spouse who would pay such alimony has obtained greater job skills or education during the marriage."

"A change of 20 percent or more in the gross monthly income of a spouse who is ordered to pay alimony shall be deemed to constitute changed circumstances requiring a review for modification of the payments of alimony."

She'd might also have to pay some child support.

I'd, at best, get joint custody of the kids.  I'd be a weekend dad.  If she was paying for their health insurance (she is, it's free for her) she could probably get out of the child support.  But I wouldn't push it.  The alimony... Fuck yeah.  I'll take that.  I'll spend it all on pussy and weed too.

Fuck you, insomnia!  FUCK YOU!  I hate my fucking life.