I'm sitting here with my grotesquely swollen and discolored balls, tripping on pain meds and THC extracted from vegetable matter with liquid butane lamenting my lack of sexy time this weekend.  This'll be the first weekend this year where my wife and I haven't gone out to have sex in public.  Although, if we did, I bet I'd get a lot of attention with my freakishly out of proportion junk.

My wife and I have got two couples that we hang around with.  Out of convenience, I'll call them both Jack and Jill.  The last couple I blogged about (quadruple simultaneous orgasm) prefer to stay in.  We'll meet them for a couple drinks or just go over to Jill's house.  We'll hang out for a while and then commence to having sexy time.  We don't use condoms as they're monogamous with each other and we're the only couple they're involved with, but more importantly, I just have actual intercourse with my wife when we're with Jack and Jill. 

With this couple, Jack is a little taller than I (about 6'3"), a big hairy Italian guy.  His actual name is like a parody of an Italian.  He could be a henchman for the Corleone family.  Jill is a little younger and taller than my wife.  She's got light skin and red hair where my wife has light skin and dark hair.  Jack actually has this mild boot fetish thing going so Jill always wears some kind of soft, bootish footwear.  I'm not going to make fun of anybody.  It actually IS a little bit hot.

The second Jack and Jill we hang around with likes to go out.  It's these guys we go to Red Rooster with.  These guys are fucking hilarious.  Jill is short.  Even shorter than my wife (who's pretty fucking short).  She's curvy.  I like women with curves, but she's a little extra curvy.  She's not Orca fat.  Her ass isn't cellulite infested.  She's actually got really nice, perky tits.  But she's got curves to spare.  She fits the stereotype of a New York Jew.  I actually thought her last name was Shalom from her facebook profile.  She has a few boyfriends, but we only go out with a single one of her Jacks.

He's fucking insane.  He's from Iran and a little older than my wife and I.  He drinks a ton of tequila and I've seen him eat paella with andouille sausage in it.  If he's a practicing Muslim, he doesn't let it get in the way of his weekend fun.  Seeing the extra Persian guy dancing with the extra Jewish woman on the dance floor at Red Rooster, molesting each other, is pretty funny.  He's not a big guy, but he's got a giant dick.  I just recently found out that I've got a big dick.

On a tangent:  My wife and I have gotten a few sex toys recently.  There are a ton of toys for women, but not a lot for men.  We got a cock ring thing for me.  It has small silicone rings that go around the base of your dick.  I'd complained that after my fourth nut in a row, I could only get my dick about 1/2 hard.  This was supposed to do the trick.  We got sample rings from size three to size nine.  Nine was the largest available.  Three was this bizarre micro-penis thing that hurt when I put it around my thumb.  The nine was a little snug for me and made my dick turn kind of blue.  We don't use it.

Back on topic:  But Persian Jack's got a really big schlong.  I'm not self conscious about the size of my dick.  I hit bottom in a lot of positions on most women.  But Jack has got to be banging on all sorts of shit when he's going to town.  I prefer to go upstairs to have sex at Red Rooster.  It's couples only upstairs.  There's a big voyeur room on the first floor to have sex in, but there are too many single guys spanking it down there for my tastes.  Jack and Jill like the voyeur room.

We were upstairs last week.  My wife and I on a bed.  Jack and Jill plopped down right next to us.  I like a lot of foreplay, especially in public.  There were probably five other couples in the room.  After a half hour or so of preliminaries:

Jack is behind Jill, really putting his heart into it. 

My wife is on her back.  My head is between her legs. 

Jill has her face buried in my wife's boobs.  I can't tell if Jill is just really in the moment or is literally having one orgasm after another.  Jill is trying, in great detail, to explain how much she's enjoying the moment around a mouthfull of my wife's boob.  It's inarticulate, but really hot.

My wife likes boys, but she's usually a pretty good sport about things like this.

I'm doing that thing that I do with my mouth that makes people speak in tongues to my wife.  I'm on my knees on the ground.  My wife has one leg off of the bed and one up, with her foot on the edge of the bed.  I've got a friendly acquaintence, Linda, who is having sex with her husband on the floor, with on hand on my junk kind of milking it like I'm a cow.  Believe me, it's sexier than it sounds.

After Jack is done hammering Jill, they take a break.  I climb up on top of my wife and we start doing our thing in bed next to them. 

A man in the bed next to us is having some trouble with his erection.  It's not like you'd make fun of him.  For all you know he's had sex twenty times in an hour.  But his wife is not done yet.  He literally calls over to Jack, "is yours still up?"

Jack makes his slap into his belly.  "I'd say so.  Yeah."

The guys wife is really fat.  I've got no problem with this.  Fat people need loving too.  But this woman is really big.  Jack looks at Jill who shrugs her shoulders.  Jack has actually told me before, "No offense to women, but doggy-style, they're all the same."  True to his word, he rolls her over onto her knees, puts on a rubber, and starts  going to town.

Jack is trying to show off or something.  He's giving this woman the fucking of a lifetime.  Now remember, I'm trying to have a special moment with my wife on an adjacent bed and this woman is making yodelling noises while Jack is hammering her from behind.  At one point, the woman's husband is getting concerned about collateral damage.  After a while, the woman's yodelling intensifies, she yells that she's coming, and squirts all over the place.  We're not talking about a little dribble of love juice either.  This was like an oscillating sprinkler.  "squirt-squirt-squirt...splashity, splashity, splashity" 

She's shaking all over, making moose noises, and spraying all over the bed next to us.  Jack isn't done yet.  He's still giving it to her.  He hasn't even changed his tempo.  After another few minutes, she cuts loose again.  "Aaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh" and another  "squirt-squirt-squirt...splashity, splashity, splashity."  My wife and I hit the showers.  Jack and Jill didn't come down for another twenty minutes.  I don't think the other couple ever did come down.

Jack and Jill are going to the Red Rooster tonight.  My wife is staying home with me.  Maybe by next weekend I'll be back in effect.