So here it is January 15, 2009 and yesterday we had a genius decide he was going to drive around wearing a mask and gloves.  If that doesnt attract the attention of even the laziest cop I dont know what will.  Oh and be sure to drive at a high rate of speed and run red lights, we like that.  Then to top it off, fight with us, spit on us and then piss all over the backseat of the squad car.  You will definitely be our best friend and mascot.  Always remember if you dont give us your name and date of birth, you will be booked into jail as John Doe and there you will sit until you can be positively identified.  Due process doesnt apply to those special individuals who feel they do not need to give us their personal information after they have been arrested.  Anyway this person wasnt even a bank robber, he was just a lunatic.

Speaking of driving your car while wearing a mask and gloves; it might be a good idea to not drive while wearing these things if you are wanted in connection with a series of bank robberies.  For some reason, people in my wonderful community like to do this (drive around wearing masks and gloves).  Two days ago, some fool was once again driving around town while wearing these subtle items and low and behold this person was spotted by a police officer.  As you know, police officers are an inquisitive bunch and this motorist was followed, a traffic stop was conducted and sure enough, through further on scene investigation it turned out this person was wanted by my agency and two others for a string of bank robberies.  I really like stupid criminals.

So on January 14, 2009 the night guys responded to a call from a woman claiming she was being strangled by her husband.  Well if she was being strangled how in the hell could she talk on the phone to our dispatch?  I also want to know how she was able to call back after the line disconnected?  If you put someone in a proper choke hold, you can render a person unconscious in as little as three eight seconds.  So, when officers arrive at this ladys house, she comes running out the door covered in blood, and right behind her is a male roommate covered in blood as well.  Hmmmmm..  Male roommate you say?  Anyway, when the officers entered the master bedroom, the walls, ceiling, bed, etc. were covered in blood.  Oh yeah there was a bloodied body lying in the bed as well with a large hole in his skull and some mushy brain matter to boot.  He was lying next to a bloody ball peen hammer.  Amazingly, unconscious man (husband) was still alive and rushed to the hospital.  He is still alive, but is missing a large chunk of his frontal lobe and his wife is sitting in jail for attempted murder.  After further investigation it turns out the husband was actually sound asleep and the wife attacked him with the hammer while he was sleeping.  Ouch!!!!  She is claiming battered wife syndrome, but that is going to be a hard sell to a jury, especially when they hear she was having a fling with the roommate.

Speaking of scorned women; this happened about a year ago, but I had to transport a very mild mannered and nice woman to jail after she plunged a knife into her husbands chest while they were having sex.  Two days before the incident, the husband told his wife he was leaving her for another woman and needless to say she wasnt to happy about it so she hatched a plan to get revenge. (That last line was for dramatic effect or is it affect?) Anyway this little spitfire calls her husband over for some fun in the bedroom, and being the twisted fuck that he is, the husband shows up.  While they are going at it and the wife is on top of this dude, she grabs a knife she had hidden near by and stabs her husband in the chest.  She wasnt able to break through the chest cavity, so her husband threw the woman off and ran out of the house screaming like a school girl.  This woman had it planned so well, that she was having sex with her husband on the bathroom floor, so it would have been easier to clean up all the blood off the tile.

Thanks for reading.