Red's already done a great job expressing himself about the literary lobotomy going on with one of my favorite middle school books.  I got into a baby punching rage myself earlier today when I heard.  But surprisingly enough, this isn't even the dumbest publishing move I've ever heard of.

Anthony Burgess, author of A Clockwork Orange, had similar retarditude happen to him, and he's still alive.  His British publisher sold the novel to an American publisher.  Since everybody knows Americans are drooling children, especially American publishers, they added a glossary at the end and removed the "unnecessary" last chapter.  Burgess shit his pants in rage. 

Burgess found that he had no legal recourse from England because of how the novel was purchased by the American publisher. 

FAIR WARNING, I'M ABOUT TO TOTALLY RUIN A FINE FILM AND FANTASTIC NOVEL IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN OR READ A CLOCKWORK ORANGE.

The mishmash "Nadsat" language the kids spoke was full of Russian and nonsense words.  Burgess did that on purpose.  He didn't think you fucking spoke Russian AND Gibberish that he invented.  You were supposed to figure that shit out contextually and become proficient in the Language by the end of the novel.  You experience it as an outsider in the early chapters, not knowing what the fuck they're talking about.  By the end of the novel, you're talking about your girlfriend's flip-flop, big-bobbing groodies and checking out devotchkas.  Then, you read it again.  You know exactly what the fuck they're talking about and you read it from the point of view of one of Alex's clique.  It's an entirely different novel the second time.

But American publishers are soooooo fucking smart, they thought that was bullshit.  "Hell, they already bought the book... Why would we want them to read it again?  Fuck that noise, get in the car and buy another fucking book!  Let's just translate it without the author's permission and put in a glossary.  groodies = breasts (as if we couldn't figure it out, fucktards).

This kind of ruins the whole point of painstaking linguistic toil.  This would be like dubbing the Lokata dialog in Dances with Wolves.

What's worse:  The publishers decided to delete the entire last chapter. 

In the fine Kubrik film and the American version of the novel, the story ends with Alex, recovering in the hospital, free from the effects of the Ludovico technique.  The film ends with visions of celebratory raping and murder with a truimphant swell of Ludvig Van in the background. 

The last chapter the author intended was to be some time after Alex's release.  He's got a new bunch of droogs.  He's also doled out horrible retribution to his faithless droogs, George and Dim.  He bumps into the droog who didn't fuck him around so badly, Pete.  Pete is married and has a real job.  His wife thinks Alex sounds funny when he speaks Nadsat and says so.  Instead of murdering them both, Alex wonders if she's right.  Maybe he is being a fucking retard.  Maybe he should stop murdering and raping every night and endeavor to be a real person.  He judges his chances as slim, but he's considering it.

I could see all the mouthbreathing, roundheaded executives at fucktard publishing:  "Fuck that.  That's too grown up for an American audience.  While we're at it, let's not tell people what Rosebud was at the end of Citizen Kane.  It's inconsistant with the rest of the film, and it's not like it sums anything up, or anything..."

It's the whole point of the book, assholes. 

Why do I think that we're, as a species, trying to make ourselves more stupid?