The blog about the guy who raped his week-old daughter made me want to share this with you all. I'm sure you've all had the conversation with your friends about what was the most horrible fate you could possibly inflict on a person... usually when douchebags like the guy in that blog surface in the media, and the inevitable debate about how to punish him comes up.

Well me and my buddies came up with "The Machine". Notwithstanding the absurd amount of money it would take to actually do this, it's generally agreed by me and mine (we're all Marines btw) that this is the greatest punishment for any crime so heinous as to make you want to inflict the worst kind of misery on the offender.

The offender will, without warning or foreknowledge, be drugged and brought to the machine while he's unconcious. He'll wake up strapped into this machine, in a room with no windows and a concealed door to create the illusion that there is no exit whatsoever. Only blank, nondecsript grey concrete walls, floor and ceiling.

Basically, the machine is life support. Intravenous nutrition, catheter, colostomy, you're strapped into this thing and it takes care of all your bodies needs, and keeps you healthy even though you can't ever move. In the event that some part of the machine fails, or you manage to get out of it somehow, the room will be flooded with sleeping gas, and men will come in to fix the machine or strap you back into it only after you're unconcious. In this way, you will never, EVER have any human contact of any kind for the rest of your life. Coupled with the fact that you had no idea this was coming, you just woke up one day strapped into this thing, you should quite rapidly become convinced that nobody knows you're here and that you've been forgotten, kept alive and punished by these machines alone. Your friends and family probably think you're dead and aren't even looking for you anymore. It shouldn't take long for these thoughts to consume your mind and leave you alone to experience the ultimate misery: Eternal solitude with no hope of salvation.

And there's one last thing, the true beauty of the machine. Every six hours, it will inflict upon you the equivalent of whatever you did to get yourself here. In the case of that rapist, he would be raped, every six hours, by a mechanical dildo that is oversized in direct proportion as his own dick would have been oversized to an infant. Think horse, or bull. HIs prostate would be surgically removed to ensure he gets no pleasure from it. In fact, his IV can be used to introduce drugs to his system to eradicate his sex drive entirely, so he can't even experience the desire for sex. Only the pain of that mechanical horsecock.

In the event the culprit killed his victims, the punishment would vary slightly (you don't want the offender to die... that would be merciful). Instead, he would be shot/stabbed/beaten/however he killed his victim(s), but the machine would expertly target non-vital areas, and then cautarize the wound (with no anasthetic) to ensure he doesn't bleed to death. This way he can experience the pain of the attack, yet survive it... again... and again... and again.... and again....

Since this last function of the Machine varies from person to person, depending on what their crime was, we simply call it "The Machine". We see douchebags like him and simply say "He should be put in The Machine." and go on to discuss what the machine would do to him every six hours.