Earlier I wrote about how my mom's misguided views on sex affected me. Although anything the least bit sexual was a big deal to be punished in the ugdork household (my mom once said that if the f-word is in a book she skips over it...no klidding) one thing that was perfectly acceptable was the use of the N-word.

My German parents grew up during the Depression (the first one) so blacks were always referred to as nigg3rs. Not an eye was batted when during an argument between my sis and me one of us would drop an N-bomb.

I remember putting a quarted in my mouth once and being scolded by my parents, "Don't put that in your mouth; how do you know a nigg3r didn't touch it?" Oh yeah... there was the whole choking thing, too but it might have Afro-cooties.

We had black neighbors and used to play with them. I once slipped and called my sis a nigg3r in front of them. The girl, who was a few years older than I, asked me to define 'Nigg3r.'

When my mom met my ex-wife who was from Nicaragua I later asked if she thought Ana was pretty. "No," tactful mom replied, "She looks like a nigg3r."

Two of my nieces now have children by black men. My mom has since died but my dad's reaction was, "What do those girls see in them nigg3rs? All they want to do is fuck white girls, get them pregnant, beat the hell out of them, and then leave 'em" This happened to one distant cousin so  he thinks he's basing it on actual statistics.

Today I have a gripe with black people. It's not their music or the fact that they talk in movie theatres, it's the fact that they keep touching all the damned quarters. Sparkling wiggles...