A survey by Nuts magazine has produced a top ten most groan-inducing festive gags, I know its not Christmas.... not even close in fact but fuck it most of you are American you won't notice.

1. What is Santa's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

2. On which side do chickens have the most feathers?

The outside.

3. What kind of paper likes music?

Wrapping paper.

4. What's white and goes up?

A confused snowflake.

5. What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?

Annette.

6. Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?

It blew away.

7. What's furry and minty?

A polo bear.

8. How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle.

9. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy.

10. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

Lost.