10. Great. Now every douchebag's gonna dress up as Thriller for Halloween.

9. Wait - why did they put his own child on his corpse?

8. I won't believe it until they dangle his remains over a balcony.

7. Who gets the rights to the Beatles' songs? DIBBS!

6. Were the paramedics singing "Beat It" while they pounded on his chest?

5. I can't believe he showed up to the hospital in his pajama pants!

4. I guess "Weird Al" Yankovic was right - he ate it.

3. Jeez, you stay away from Pepsi for that long out of superstition, but ONE little sip....

2. D'AAAHHH!! I just got a visual: Post-formaldehyde!

And the number one First Thought Upon Hearing About the Death of Michael Jackson...........

1. Finally, all those little boys' assholes get a DIFFERENT kind of comeuppance!