Dear Professor Genius,
I don't understand this obsession with Hanna Montana? What's the big deal? - Don't Watch TV

Dear DWTV,
I'm not sure what you mean by "Hanna, MT", but I presume you mean "Helena, MT". Helena is "the town that gold built, an honor no other Montana city can claim"* TM. Montana is noteworthy as being one of the few states in America which has more inhabitants than tourists during a year. For example, New York City has a population of 9 million people and around 36 million tourists a year. Meanwhile, Helena, MT has a population of 25,000 people and has around 10 visitors a year. If you exclude the yearly excursions of my wife and I to the Archie Bray ceramics center (I highly recommend buying the ashtray), that makes 8 tourists, 7 of which are Canadians who got lost driving to Boise. The lone remaining tourist usually comes to Montana to check out the traditional Montanan folk music scene. While that is not my usual cup of tea, I do hear it increases human conception rates. I have attached a sample below of what is known as "Montana Beats", the percussive music of the Helena region. If music is not your interest, perhaps you should visit Montana for its natural beauty. While it is a fairly young state, its naked beauty is simply remarkable. I would recommend it before its luster is tarnished by the "fathers of industry" who prostitute it to the highest bidder. I hope you can enjoy the serenity and charm of Helena, MT as often as I do (naked).

Love, Professor Genius.

For more great advice, please peruse my blog at professorgenius.blogspot.com

*Helena, MT tourism bureau: http://helenacvb.visitmt.com/