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There was once a guy who went to see a doctor. He went into the doctor's office and said “Um, doc...I don't want to give you the wrong idea, but the other day a friend showed me a porn movie for the first time in my life. It made me a little worried.”

“Why's that?” said the doctor.

“Well, because every guy in the movie had a penis that looked different than mine.”

So the doctor told him they'd have a look and the guy unzips and pulls himself out. His penis is lumpy and twisted like a piece of driftwood and it practically has knots in it. It's black and blue and looks like it's got rugburn, too. It's in a real sorry state.

The doctor says: “I haven't ever seen anything like this. I can run a few blood tests, but I'll have to get back to you.”

But about a week later, the doc calls him and says: “The blood tests were all inconclusive. You don't seem to have any STD but I still don't know what's wrong. I'm sending you to see a specialist.”

When the guy goes to the urologist, the story is just the same. The Urologist says: “Wow...your penis is lumpy and twisted like a piece of driftwood and it practically has knots in it. It's black and blue and looks like it's got rugburn, too.” But after he runs some tests he has no idea what's going on and so he says he can continue follow up exams but he's not able to cure him.

In desperation, the man goes to a Chinese herbal healer. He's a little put off by the strange smells and the acupuncture dummy in the corner, but he figures that if these sort of doctors have been doing their thing for four thousand years then they must be doing something right.

He tells the doctor his problem and shows the man his willy. The doctor says: “Wow...that's wild...it's all lumpy and twisted like a piece of driftwood and it practically has knots in it. It's black and blue and looks like it's got rugburn, too. I'm going to have to order some special medicines. Come back in a month.”

So the guy comes back and he's got a big smile on his face. He says: “I wanted to thank you for all your help, doc, and I'll still pay you for the time, but my problem's fixed!”

“Fixed? How did it get fixed? Let me know so if it ever happens again I know what to do.”

“Well, I just tapped it out.”

“Tapped it out?”

“Yeah. I was in the men's room here in your building when I left when I saw a businessman standing next to me and he was tapping his penis in front of the urinal. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me that he always did that after he went to the bathroom so he didn't get drops of urine on his pants and underwear. So I just started tapping mine like he was and it worked.”

The doctor said: “Why, what were you doing before then to keep you from dripping?”

And the guy makes a motion with his hands like he's wringing out a towel!