My girl thinks this dog is cute she saw. She wants to save it from a shelter. Ooof. That is the ugliest dog ever. I've never seen a dog with herpes before, but...  Look, I feel bad for the little mutt. Poor guy is the Willie McGee of puppies. 

My girl has such a huge heart. She loves animals. (Well, she loves all animals except rodents, and insects, and animals that smell bad... and she hates birds. But besides that, she loves animals.)

Me? Animals are what I call "uncooked food."

No, I love dogs. Dogs give so much love and all they want from you are treats, a good belly rub and for you to pick up their poop at 2 am.

But  this is Satan's dog.

How can I walk around with a ugly-ass dog?

Am I superficial because I care about a dog's looks? Well, whatever. Looking at this dog is going to give me nightmares.

Then my girl is going to want to let this Satanic dog sleep in the bed with us. And I have to worry that it's going to eat my flesh and swallow my soul?

No. Can't do it. Let's get a plant. Plants are cute.