ever sit in a dark room and wait? just wait for something to happen? no tv, no music, no one else there with you. just you, your thoughts, and the 10 other people that live in your head. i simultaniously love and hate silence. i love it because it is......well........silent. no noise, no one verbally clawing at you with questions, jokes, opinions, unnessesarry statements. i hate it because i can really hear myself then. all of me. i fill the silence like a 747 taking off. my thoughts rage. pulse in and out screaming and whispering.

i liken the inside of my skull to a radio station not quite set to one station. multiple stations jockying for position on the dial. fading in and out. you catch a phrase, a word, a sound and wonder "what the fuck were they talkin bout there?".

i'm amazed sometimes how i get through a day sometimes. ever wake up in a blinding rage and dont know why? or a deep, deep depression? or so fuckin happy you could shit rainbows and piss hope? it gets pretty confusing at times. i wonder which me will show up in the morning.

ahh well.....just me i guess. i am generally happy though if anyone cares. this helps. the're gonna give me a weapon when we deploy. i dont have any inside info on if or when we are gonna deploy, but its only a matter of time. i dont think i would have a problem shooting people. i really dont value human life at all. well i take that back. i do value the lives of the people i love and care for. my grandmother is very sick. i wish that bitch would just die and get it over with.

anyways! wanna hear a joke? naaaw, neither did i.

see yall on da flip. dont do anytthing i would.