When you have five kids under ten, you will never sleep.  You will crave it like a fiend; you will ache for it.  You will plan and scheme to attain it, but if an opportunity ever arises, you will be so energized by the blessing of silence that you will burn the midnight oil just to revel in it.

When you have five kids under ten, there is no romance.  Your marriage will either sink or swim and youd better pray that your foundation is strong enough to hold up under the weight of responsibility and conflict.  Just when you get a moment alone, someone will have a nightmare or throw up at school or have a ball game.  You have to master the art of condensed conversation.  You will learn to put strong meaning behind few words, to deliver bottled affection in a glance, and to be grateful.  You will cherish five minute increments of time.  You will look forward to growing old.

When you have five kids under ten, you will never have a loaf of bread that isnt horribly mangled.  You will arrange lopsided sandwiches en mass.  The one you take to work will be the worst looking of the bunch, of course.  But as you unwrap it, you will remember that your sandwich looks that way because a three year old boy was so intent on carefully helping you carry groceries into the house that he squeezed the bread against his little chest to protect it.  You will smile as you eat this deformed culinary abomination.

When you have five kids under ten, you will be declared brave and one hell of a woman just for going to the grocery store.  You will take on excursions that would make most other people your age huddle in the corner and cry and you will call it fun.

When you have five kids under ten, someone is always touching you.  You are able to do everything with one hand.  You will contort your body trying to find a way for five children to sit on your lap and read a book.  Your back will throb by suppertime, but you will be too busy to notice.

When you have five kids under ten, your house will never be tidy.  You and your husband will harbor the delusion that the kids can do a big part of cleaning.  Youll tell yourself this every day for years.   But even when the kids want to help, you will still have to redo the chore.  Someone will fail to rinse the dishes and the entire family will have diarrhea for a week.  This will always happen directly after some well meaning soul places a 2000 flushes disk into the toilet bowl instead of the tank.  This insanity will continue because some day, the kids will benefit from it.

When you have five kids under ten, fair isnt an option.  The squeaky wheels get the grease and there is never enough of anything to go around.  This will drive you crazy and break your heart on a daily basis, but you will realize that you are teaching your children to be assertive and empathetic.  But the unfairness will burn up the back of your throat none the less.

When you have five kids under ten, almost no one will volunteer to watch your children.  Good babysitters and gracious family members will be like gems and gold to you.  Your literal gems and gold will have been flushed down the toilet or last seen gracing the neck of a teddy bear.

When you have five kids under ten, you will cry.  You will pray for your sanity.  You will go to formal events with gummy bears stuck in your hair.  You will go days without completing a thought.  But you trade your quiet afternoons and put-together outfits for a standing ovation when you come home from work, a gummy smile, a freshly made mudpie.  You will hang your nice outfits in the closet to wear on some quiet afternoon you have all to yourself to sit in a deafening silence in your tidy home while eating a magazine perfect sandwich.