I have been floundering on the other site for a while, thought maybe I would try back here.

(SORT OF LONG)

This is a true occasion of me at my uncles farm.

A while back I had an idea to rope a deer, put it in my shed, feed it for a couple of months and then butcher and eat it. I love venison and this seemed like a reasonable plan for an able bodied young man like me.

First I would need to obtain a deer. I had seen them at my uncles farm on numerous occasions eating at the cattle feed troughs. They had no apparent fear of people as they would stand right there as we filled the troughs and really took no notice of us. I figured with this lack of fear roping one would be easy, then throwing a bag over its head to calm it down for the ride back to my place. Let me say I was WRONG.

I filled the feeder and hid inside. The cattle seeing this move before stayed well away fearing being roped. I hid for about 10 minutes before the deer arrived and came right over to eat not caring about the very obvious 200lbs man sitting in the middle of the feeder. I slowly stood up and the deer took no notice. I looped the rope over a reasonable sized specimen and thoughts to myself 'Wow that was easier then I expected' famous last words if ever there were any.

The deer stepped back and looked at me, I swear he was thinking 'What the hell do you think you are doing'. Now I have seen this look before while roping cattle or horses. I knew the score so I dug my feet in and thought I had this all wrapped up. WRONG AGAIN!! I put some tension on the rope to avoid a sudden jerk and boom I am flying through the air behind this deer (possibly a transformer) as if I were a plastic bag caught in the wind. I should say that with horses and cattle I can usually hold my own without to much effort, apparently pound for pound a deer is the strongest animal ever know to man. The deer drags me around the feed lot bucking and kicking trying to ditch me.

Of course me being the avid farmer I am (not) I tied the damn rope around my waist for a better grip. I got dragged all over the field for a solid ten minutes, hitting everything the deer could run at. The fence, the troughs and even my truck. Finally the deer began to tire-out. I only know this because I stopped hitting things.

As I stagger to my feet I realize I am now blind due to a wash of blood over my face from a gash in my forehead (6 stitched to close) damn if I know where it came from as the yard was now covered in my blood. I know know having a deer tied to my waist by way of rope was a BAD idea, lesson learned!

I was now not as worried about getting this deer home, I could care less if I ever had venison again but more concerned about how to free myself from this obviously superior animal and taking the noose from its neck as to ensure its further survival and possibly to contract to be the protector for my family and myself from invading forces. At this point we are both exhausted with no love loss between us, we just wanted this nightmare to be over.

With a clear head, I blamed the deer for our current predicament. With all the banging around the lot, smashing me into everything possible I thought this deer was out to kill me. As I searched for an answer I noticed this animal looking at me, kind of grilling my with such big dark eyes and that is when I felt something strange. I felt responsibility for this predicament, although I knew the deer was to blame, had I not tried to kidnap him I know maybe this whole situation could have been avoided.

I realized now might the the proper opportunity to lead the deer into my 'trap' by wedging it between my truck bed and the fence as I had previously planned. The deer begrudgingly followed my lead and wedged himself right in place.

DID YOU KNOW DEER BITE, I for one didn't.

I jump in the back of my truck so I can remove the noose and out of nowhere this damn animal turns and bites down with the force of 1000 elephants right onto my wrist. Who is eating who here, this was not the plan. Most animals when cornered will bite, but they will also let go. Not DEER, this bastard grabbed hold and held on with a damn death grip! I am sure the proper thing to do when an animal bites you is to freeze and the animal will release.

I am smarter then that so I scream like a little girl and try to shake the deer off my now severely damaged wrist. In a struggle that I am sure lasted 3 to 4 days I finally emerged victorious as I freed myself from the grips of hell.I am smarter then a deer, any deer and yes even this deer!! (Although you may find this hard to believe) As the shaking continues I reach around with my other hand and quickly remove the noose. It was then that the deer let go. Now is when my real education began.

Apparently during a deers upbringing they train at the ROCKY BALBOA SCHOOL OF BOXING. This deer reared up on its hind legs and said "LETS THROW DOWN, 30'S STYLE BOXING" I tired to yell back and intimidate it, this trickery did not work. The deer was well aware of who the winner of this bout would be. So I turn and tried to run when he struck me in the back of my head with a hoof. I realized this animal was at least 3 times stronger then any horse I had ever seen.

Standing on my back all goes quite as the deer bends down and starts to smell me, not realizing the danger from me had past I think he was smelling to see if I would taste good. Luckily for me I must have smelt off, laying face down, bloody in the muck. Crying like a three year old with split juice the deer laughed at me and then took to running for the forest.

Never in my life had I been so happy to see an animal escaping into the wilderness. I pull myself up to lean against my truck and that is when I realize something prolific.

PEOPLE BRING HIGH POWERED GUNS WITH SCOPES HUNTING TO SORT OF EVEN THE ODDS. This is a lesson I will carry for the rest of my days.