• Reason 1: Butts are shaped kind of like boobs. Why bother with a wack impression of a butt when you can get the real deal just 1.5 feet down and on the other side of the torso? 

• Reason 2: Boob sex < Butt sex

• Reason 3: Please note Exhibit A...

How does that make you feel? Did everything in the world for a moment disappear--everything except that butt? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it was just you, that booty, and a string on the side begging to be pulled.

Now, for comparison, note Exhibit B...

How did THAT make you feel? Weird and bad? That's because of those boobs. Yuck. Hideous. Boobs. Not as good.

So, which did you like better? Boobs or butt? No judgment either way, but if you like boobs, you're a freaking weirdo who wants to defile the American flag in an overly muscularly filled sports bra worn by a transgendered Barack Obama. Which is okay if that's your thing, but I don't want it in my house.

In conclusion, all men, women and children should be butt-men women and children. You're welcome for your time.