This one is for Sindicate, who really seems to have a mean hate-on for us Canadians. Give me a chance to change your mind; I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised. So, I have compiled a little list of facts for you as to why we here in the Great White North, are a decent bunch of people.

-Our beer is kick-ass strong. Even our light beer is stronger than the highest alcohol-content American made beer. Red Cap, Molson, Labatt...its all good stuff. Generally anything with a 6% content rate is for "the kids".

-We buy our milk is bags, not just cartons or plastic jugs. It keeps the shit fresher, and you can freeze it for later!

-Canadian Tire money is an unofficial form of currency. Everyone has it and stock piles the things like they were pennies or chocolate bars during the war. (Yeah, 'chocolate' bar, not 'candy' bar.)

-Our Mounties don't always dress like Dudley Do-Right. In fact, they look just like any other police officer. The OPP uniform is strikingly similar.

-Mr. Dress-Up, Casey and Finnigan. I refuse to expalin this any further. If you know, then you know. If you don't, well, shame on you.

-All new cars produces from 1989 to current have their headlights on all the time---day or night. Maybe stop telling me my lights are on when I come and visit your fine nation.

-Almost all of our currency can be found in coin-form. Loonies, Tooonies...all with awesome shots of Canadian animals in action!

-Coach's Corner is our version of Church TV. No matter where you are or what you're doing, when "The Cherry" speaks people listen.

-Kilomerters, none of that prissy 'miles' bullshit. Kilometers!

-Little known fact: the last letter of the alphabet is pronounced "zed", NOT "zee". (Glad we could clear this up.)

-On the subject, we spell things with an extra "u", so stop telling me in future blogs how I didn't spell "honor", "color" etc. correctly. That's just how we roll here.

-Generally, we get excited when your television shows and news casters mention Canada. I remember the Simpsons and Office episodes set in Canada made national news here.

-We also get crazy serial killers and whacked out criminals here. Some dude got his fucking head cut off on a Grey Hound bus earlier this year! With nothing more than a damn kitchen blade!! How many American cities can boast that feat??

-We frown on the obnoxious use of the word "eh?", "a-boot" or "hoser" when being spoken to by non-Canadians. Also try to avoid any double-entandras such as phrases containing the words "beaver hunt" or anything of that ilk.

-We actually have a military!

-All of our strip clubs are full-on naked fun. None of this "topless only" bullshit you guys seem to have. (Again, no 'beaver hunt' jokes, please.)

So the next time you feel like putting the ol' screws to Canada, please think of our similarities, not our differences. We're a lot alike. We put our snowpants on one leg at a time, just like you. We wear our toques when it gets chilly, just like you. We buy beer and smokes in excess, just like you. We've fucked up other countries in the name of peace, just like you. What America does, so does America Junior. We're all in this together, so lets try and get along, eh? And don't blame me for any prejudices you may have. To add fuel to the fire, I'm originally from England, so I guess I'm extra douche-y in your eyes. Lets all just be civil, pound a Molson or ten, throw some backbacon on the Coleman and discuss our differences in an orderly manner while watching a little Corner Gas to dispell the negativeness.

Cheers,

-The Big Bad